Ups&downs'

2010-03-11T01:25:00.002+08:00

oh gosh, tomorrow is the big day. spm results. and i feel obliged to type something here to remember these squirmish moments i have right now (thanks to kelvin for the suggestion to blog, lol).

such mixed feelings. i don't know what to expect!

and that terrible feeling of having to deal with other people who might get better results than you. call me kiasu all you want, but this is the thing that terrifies me the most :( competition, jealousy, all that stuff.

i know that i'm expected to do well and stuff. my forecast wasn't at all bad, actually. 5A+s, all As... one B for moral though :/ but yeah. deep inside i knew i might not have done my best (screw the thermos flask for physics, and for making physics my otherwise less confident subject!)

and of course, if Ravi does decide to announce the results on stage like last year, starting from the most number of As, then i would be the most nervous one there. cus i think i took the most subjects, 12, and what if, what if! he starts with something like: "so, the most number of As, 10! straight As!" then i'll know i won't have my string of A+s!

truth is, i'd never expect to get a string of A+s. i think a string of As would be enough. i don't mind A- either. especially for chinese!

but yeah. i'm feeling okay now. these few days i've been struggling a little with some issues. post-rbs has been okay till a few days ago. sigh.

on a positive note i have completely cleared out my spm books earlier tonight. so that i can completely get over with spm by tomorrow :)

okay, i've said my two-cents here. but do watch out for my delayed posts on RBS, driving exams, and the in-betweens :) tata for now!

beginning of an end.

2009-12-30T21:25:00.014+08:00

New years' eve begins in around 2 hours, and i'd thought it'd be a good idea to drop by :)

a lot has been happening these past few weeks. just this past weekend i've learnt to be thankful, instead of complaining. i guess i just got caught red-handed, not only guilty of complaining but also comparing. uncle wee min gives the most inspiring sermons!

just that morning, before church started, i tuned my violin and put rosin onto my bow, excited for God knows what reason to be playing violin that sunday. sure, time was rushed, and you could say i didn't exactly have the best start of the day. good thing i reached just before worship was about to start. as i pushed the door open i saw the unfamiliar back of someone playing the piano. craap, i thought, was it still december? am i still on the roster? i hesitated. i went in anyway, taking out my violin and all. and guess what? there was another violinist. he said a little: "i'm here to help you." and all these feelings of incompetence come flooding in.

overwhelmed, i was practically really grumpy throughout worship. nothing went through my head but bitterness, towards everything. and various experiences that proves that i'm just an incompetent nobody in their eyes. let's not get into that.

sermon was so relevent, i could feel tears welling up in my eyes. i felt that the whole sermon was directed at me, and my bitterness. will i ever get the courage, to be brave enough to not run away from my problems this one time? or is it a wiser decision to find my place somewhere else, where i will probably be more of use to God and get to feel better about myself?

there's just too much to think of. sometimes i do get close, i play for sunday school but not any more. i was supposed to play for church camp but i somehow didn't. i played keyboard for awhile till it totally, became extinct. i was supposed to be in the yf committee but i think they gave up on me :(

omg, the funniest thing happened. as i typed that, i received a call from David Ho. he asked me to jam session this sunday, if i'm interested to play for yf! finally, i feel that i can do something for God :) after all, my music is the only thing i can give to God. since i'm probably not so experienced in other fields anyway.

anyhow, it feels good to get this off my chest, before the year ends. after all, church was one of the main problems i struggled with throughout the year.

i'm learning to be thankful. thankful for the darlings i have in church although i don't quite fit in. thankful for stephanie, yuen yuen, erin, joo hui :) thankful for the fellowship. thankful enough, not to complain. because i already feel tons happier by simply, not complaining.

life's too short for complaints.

*

anyway i just feel that i should do a recap of the year soooon, because so many things happened this year, so many experiences matured me more than ever.

i don't mean to be too melodramatic or what not, really. but there was betrayal, love, hardwork, disappointments, seemingly undeserving successes, friendship, stress, basically just ups and downs. that's what my blog is about, isn't it?

every year i seem to set harder goals for myself, maybe sub-consciously as some form of insult for not accomplishing previous new years resolutions. maybe i'm just too desperate for change sometimes.

that's it. if i'm going to set some resolutions for 2010, i'd better come out with attainable, realistic ones.

i can't deny that i've been spiraling downhill this year. what with my resolution to study harder, i think i pretty much slacked the whole year, even though it's spm year! studying at the last minute, yada yada. my thankfulness for God to bless me with the results i get in exams, i cannot contain in words, seriously.

just a little worried about spm results now :(

though i don't see the point, since march intake in taylor's has less scholarships :( life is unfairr.

what with my resolution to slim down since 2008? sure, i get that melancholy feeling when i go through last year's pictures of myself (i do consider 2008 as the year i'm at my slimmest!). i look at my chubbier face today and i'm just grateful that right now, right here, my self-esteem has been higher than anytime of my life. sure, i don't feel that i became any prettier/slimmer since last year (just let those hideous prom pictures do the talking, more on that later. i know i always say that, but yeah.), but i'm beginning to learn how to have fun, even on those bad hair days :)

really, life's just a WHOLE lot easier to love when you shove those self-image issues away, don't you think? would you wanna wake up in heaven one day and realize you just wasted your life complaining about your looks? what's stopping you, from having fun? from enjoying life? from cherishing every little moment in your life?

yes, i'm learning to be thankful. the journey has been aweesome so far :)

i know i wasn't happy with the way i looked for prom. the dress i chose (from the three i bought. lol) was the prettiest, but it also made me look the fattest. my hair curled in the wrong directions. my make-up wasn't as pretty. i couldn't conceal my pimples properly. so what? i had fun with my dear friends, and now i can look back and proudly say, i have enjoyed prom :)

i really didn't intend for this post to be so... melancholy. (why do i keep on using this word now anyway)

just that, when thoughts just flow, i can't seem to contain them any longer. not when there's an empty canvas right here begging for some updates. although my spacebar is pretty hard to use right now :(

*

i'm also realizing i lost my writing touch.

*

and RBS is next week. i'm nervous, excited, apprehensive. you'll be seeing lots of updates after RBS, i promise :)

part of me is afraid of 2010. i think i have imposed on myself a set of goals, goals that are pretty hard to reach. and what if, i fail? i seem to have this mindset that everything will be alright next year.

next year's the year, the year for college, for more freedom, for more friendships, for more goals!

and for driving :P (more on that later, too!)

since 2010 will be such an important year for me (the goals and everything. i think i over-worship 2010 and the future, for that matter. this is getting unhealthy. this is getting to the most extremes of procrastinating), i intend to spend the first few seconds of it surrounded with people i love and care about :)

of course, stephanie will be in china :(

tomorrow's just gonna be a chilled night, under the moonlight and stars, hanging out with the friends i love most. there will be lots of talking, catching up, and games, and FOOD :) i seriously can't wait.

*edit: omg, change of plans. tomorrow's just gonna be a wild night, hanging out with friends at the Curve, being part of the congested-ness and the crazy crowd. i still can't decide how to spend new year's, either what i mentioned or a chilled night at my house watching BOTH fireworks :)

as the clock ticks into midnight, i'll just close my eyes, and say a silent prayer to God. commit year 2010 unto Him, because what with all my unrealistic goals getting their grip on me, i need some spiritual guidance. i'll turn to my friends and tell them from my heart that i appreciate their friendship, very very much. i'll hug them and make them promise we'll stay in contact.

most importantly, i'll start the new year afresh. doesn't everyone need a good start once in a while? i know i do ;)

then it's time to get dirty as i declutter my room, study desk and SPM books, before i head up to camerons for RBS. i don't intend to leave my "mess" behind. then this is where the real journey and self-discovery begins :)

happy new year, world :) in 26 hours!

a little something.

2009-12-16T15:15:00.002+08:00

i felt obligated to post something up since SPM IS OVER :)

to sum it up, on the 14th of december:

1. chinese was hell. subjectives all the way :/ tricky answers. not very satisfactory essay (considering i nearly went HALLELUJAH when i realized the awesome essay i read a few minutes before the exam can totally be copy and pasted, i wrote the 1st paragraph with such enthusiasm but when i carried on, it gradually sounded like those essays i would write in primary school. damnn.)

2. i forgot my spbt books and my mum was angry (long story)

3. went to do my hair, which looks super flat now, feeling stupid because my plan to have nicer hair pre-prom totally backfired. i'll just have to wait till prom to style my hair again and i'm crossing my fingers, that it'll turn out less flat the next morning :/

4. my cartilage piercing totally got pulled out from the back as the lady doing my hair combed too hard on it. it was bleeding like crazy and i had no choice but to stuff the stud back again. apparently if a cartilage piercing ain't healed, it can close up as fast as 20 minutes! i couldn't take the risk, could i? that red bump behind my piercing was already almost gone :( i'm praying that i won't get any bacterial infections.

5. had a nice catch-up over BBQ dinner with some friends :) that pretty much made my day otherwise miserable :)

* extremely stressed-up for prom. did i mention i haven't gotten my dress yet?
give me a mo', and i'll totally do this blog back up properly, promise!

My facebook status reads..

2009-10-25T21:35:00.002+08:00

grad pics were the last straw... I'm SO going on a diet >( and I finally can sleep on my cartilage piercing without hurting myself crazy. Loll :)

yup. diet definitely. and i'm pretty surprised my cartilage piercing took only 2 weeks to heal. you have no idea how many infection/scarring stories i've heard.

oh yeah, i spent 7 hours on facebook (taking a 1 hour nap in between!) last night, trying to upload pictures, trying to upload my video... my conclusion: facebook is a mean pmsing bitch. when i uploading pictures at 12am, i KEPT ON failing, even with the simple uploader =.= and when i uploading everything in one shot, through the advanced interface picture thing, it was done in a flash -.-

and since i've wasted my whole sunday again, imma going off to study now.
(i still cant stand grad pics spam on facebook, thanks.)

but imma leave you with this :)

High school graduation and The Act That Never Made It Through the Auditions.

2009-10-24T21:26:00.003+08:00

~~High school graduations are so, ugh. well, it's just high school we're talking about here, and what's with the inconsistency? one year they have graduation, the other year they don't, now we~~

enough with the hate post! good thing i've chilled down after reading something that got on my nerves... so i had two options: vent my anger like i always do, or attract positive vibes!

i guess i'll go with the latter, for a change!

pictures will be up later, i will just post these videos and let them do all the talking :)
~~since i gotta go study and i looked so fat in pictures. (why do i even say these two things in one breath) well they're up on facebook!~~

THIS, my friends, is the Act That Never Made It Through the Auditions. (for malam bakat, duh. what else.)

yeah yeah it was messy, but we didn't have much time to practice okay. i'm just glad that my Viva la Vida arrangement finally gets to see the light of day. hey, i do deserve something for spending my 11 hours on it!

Credits to Gwen for making us the pretty ribbons that we didn't get to wear on stage because we were rushing :(

and dang, we seemed like we were just playing lounge music. our only audience was my awesome group of friends and my mum who sat at the front... there was only one microphone at my side, so i doubted the audiences at the back heard us anyway. at least the singers had a little more dignity.

i had my second bible knowledge exam today. all i can say is, i am so totally screwed.
why do i find that i know acts better than luke this time around? my memory is failing me.

that would explain the B3 for sejarah =.=

on a happier note, mr. alex told my mum that i got the highest number of A+s in class. but i am SO FREAKING screwed for spm, believe me.

quote keith from class today,
"the girls are the ones who will go: I'M SO SCREWEDD FOR SPM, but they also are the ones who would get 10As..."

i beg to differ ;D

cus that, is exactly what sums up the guys in my class alright.

When will blogger go mobile?

2009-10-01T23:12:00.004+08:00

Don't let the misleading geeky title fool you to think that this post will be emo-free. No I'm not emo about the hassles of blogging via ipod touch :/

I just received my violin results.

Let's just say I'm laden with guilt now.

"I don't do well in the things I dislike, especially the things I HATE!"

I regretted saying that the moment it came out of my mouth

Only wished that it wasn't offensive.
I don't want you to think I've thoughtlessly spent your money for something I dread.
Such a love-hate relationship, but I only ever dreaded when i felt utterly hopeless at playing sweet sounding melodies.

I'd just wished I put in more effort.

I don't blame myself for dreading n slacking for sejarah
cus when something just gets on your nerves there's no possible way- it's hard.

My biggest regret is failing to translate passion into hard work.

And any dreams of joining an orchestra just fucking flew out the window.

48 more days.

2009-09-30T22:10:00.007+08:00

well, to be exact, i only have left:
6 weeks

6 days

9 hours

43 minutes

12 seconds

(i purposely went to chernyao's blog to get this)

but yeah, no prize for guessing.

*

so my interview was o-kaay, but i'm definitely not keeping my hopes up for scholarship. first off, the interviewer (she was super friendly although a lil' stern. they say that the ladies are the tough ones) launched a non-stop attack at my weakness: co-curricular activities, or aptly put, leadership qualities.

i don't get how things work these days. since when do we depend on certs and post in clubs to prove our self-worth in extra curricular activities or to prove that we are capable of doing more than merely studying like shit?

oh where in the world do we shy and timid and unworthy people stand in this kiasu world of 5 matahari-ans... *puts on shy face.

but hey, i don't resort to joining fairly inactive clubs just to secure my "jawatan", (cus i know people usually "give face" to the form 5s for the highest posts in clubs) so it'll look good on my testimonial, above everything else. you know, just showing the world i am a freaking perfect all-rounder.

with that being said, it's hard for me to admit that i regret not being more active/popular or whatever the pre-requisites of getting teachers' trust for a post these days... if i could go back in time i

i think i'll have to buck up during college, that's for sure. i've got enough interests and things to do outside of studies that could last me a few lifetimes of college on my after-SPM list (i swear it's getting longer by the day)...

...and you know, just attempt things that will give me the fresh adrenaline rush of unfamiliarity and of new, exciting challenges before i become a nerdy hard-at-work doctor. Dr. Rachel Tan. that's so does not sound like me.

*

i've been doing some miiiicro(or even smaller, like make that nano or pico..)blogging through my facebook updates, until i realized there's only limited things you can say through facebook... and half of the time no one really bothers. let's see:

1. the most likeable facebook status update

don't tell God how big your problem is, tell your problems how big God is.

gosh, i fell in love with this quote the moment i stumbled upon it. yeah, it's not an original one from me, but i definitely feel like i could identify with it. i reckon others can too, i mean, everyone has their fair share of problems; hence, it became likeable =) i hope this inspired others as much as it inspired me.

oooh! kar mun just "liked" my status on online shopping!
(what a bimb moment! ;D)

which by the way, says,

the best part of online-shopping is returning from a long day of school and unwrapping that parcel that came with the post =)

yup, i was getting to that. this dark grey cardigan i ordered from an online boutique a week ago finally arrived today :) it's not that the shipping took long or anything... but take this from me: don't shop online during raya holidays because you're either too busy to head to the bank to place a cash deposit (into the seller's account) or they're too busy to send it to you. you see, since i probably won't get the permission from my mum to access my bank account online (and go on a massive spending spree), i have to either:

1. do a cash deposit at the machines outside the bank, or
2. head upstairs to bank the money in personally. machines only accept 100, 50 and 10 ringgit notes.

the cardigan + postage fees cost me a whopping RM50 (gladly paid by mum cus i've been spending waaay too much these holidays) and the lady who sold it to me kindly gave me a RM1 discount cus RM51 was so inconvenient to bank in at the time.

i was feeling bold these few weeks, having shopped online everyday (even during trials!) via my super-handy ipod touch. i now even have a bookmark tab in my internet browser in my ipod touch that says "shopping sites ;)".

i think this is getting out of hand lah. my habit: reach home from school, fork out itouch, switch on router, and first head to my favourite blogshop review site: Your Shopping Kaki.

oh anyways, back to the status update :) i reached home today and there it was!

a parcel :) my first online-shopping parcel!
what a moment ;)
(my first purchase was COD-cash on delivery.)

i eagerly unwrapped it like an excited child with presents below a christmas tree on a christmas morning. honestly i haven't felt that in years! well not really. christmas mornings at church are really pleasant ones :) no there is absolutely no sarcasm here.

ohmygod, my dark grey cardigan. gorgeous :) but i think i'll have to ask my grandma to resew the buttons... they looked flimsy :/

take an advice from me again: dont buy the things that you know won't fit. sure, we wouldn't know how it fits our body shapes until we've received it, but i normally steer clear of body-hugging dresses or shoes. omg yes shoes. (not that i've shopped a lot online, this is like only my second buy)

meaning, if i see a pretty figure hugging dress or those sexy oxford shoes that i really, really want, i'll still resist the urge. only buy things like jackets, vests or bags. or tops that wouldn't require a perfect fit, like babydoll tops or oversized tees :)

ANYWAYS, i'm still waiting for that oversized pencilbox i ordered from Alicewonders ten days ago. and i have yet to receive my studded vest!

okay i'll admit, the studded vest was such an impulsive buy. but retail therapy really soothes the soul...! i bought it while i was upset over my sucky chinese trials result :(

oh yeah, on a sadder note, i already got a B3 and a B4 for my trials. the irony was i was so confident that this exam would be like any other, a part of me just knew that i could again, get away with not studying (cramming late night is NOT studying, in my dictionary). God really sent me a wake up call. but hey, i wasn't really that smart after all. i STILL have to study like how people do when they want good results =.=

but i got my physics paper today :) a 92/100 on my paper 2 cheered me up like no other paper would. ohmygod i love physics. favooourrite science subject :)

...and i was so confident to secure any scholarship with my trial results. quote chern yao: "how now brown cow"?

i try to insert humour but the thing is, i'm still upset over my sejarah :(

who was i kidding? i thought i could get lucky with Sejarah as i normally do, but this time God really burst my carefree bubble.

glad that God really taught me this lesson because if it weren't for this harsh reality of a B3 for sejarah, i wouldn't be driven to study it okay. i mean, think about it, if i did get an A1 for sejarah without much studying, i would probably delude myself into thinking i can skim through SPM with the same amount of luck too. sigh.

but these few days of trials results brought out my ugly side. i remembered rudely brushing zheng hong off because the group of kiasus there wanted to know my purata.

(heck, back when i still was dumb and looked down upon in 2 daisi -until a got first in class lah- i never dreamt of actually competing with the pro-est nerdiest people in my form. see how the whole form4 and 5 transformed me into this kiasu person too??)

oh yeah, they even counted my physics marks for me before i even knew it :/ haha they are so amusing sometimes. lmao :)

on a random note, i didnt even remember doing the 'sastera' question for my BM essay. i mean, i was staring blankly at the paper for about 10 minutes, distracted by the teachers in the office as i pondered what the hell to write/or which question to choose. believe it or not, i just crapped the whole way through with all the nice ayats i memorized earlier, with all the pretty words i could muster. but alas, even if my "bahasa baik", it is still "terlalu pendek".

which reminds me, i still have 3 overdued karangans for tuition =.=

which reminds me also, i have been typing for a pretty long time, and i have to get back to my The Lost Symbol :)

and omigosh, i haven't done my chemistry tuition homework.

AND wth, i still can't decide whether to get these or not:

uber sexy slashed leggings from clothesbucket.

please do the deciding for me :/

2009-09-25T23:23:00.002+08:00

ohmygod. i know i haven't blogged in ages but i feel that i have to say this.

i'm so freaking nervous for tomorrow!

though, i had no idea why taylor's shortlisted me for the principal's awards interview! my ECA achievements are so unimpressive compared to others. maybe it's my results, but what do i say when they ask me why i think i deserve the scholarship?

"because i work pretty damn hard"

but you know that's not the truth :) okay maybe it is, cus i do put in a lot of effort in getting myself off the couch and studying last-minute to cram everything into brain okaaay.

anyway wish me luck yeaah ;D

ps: is it weird to say that reading cheesie's blog totally inspired me to blog after my months-long hiatus. harhar.

that one night came, and gone :)

2009-07-12T22:16:00.004+08:00

sighs. all the preparation, drama, hard work and sweat, ups and downs, misunderstandings... for that one night: Malam Bakat! :)

all i can say is, malam bakat was the experience for me. i was bombarded with all kinds of raw emotions: disappointment for my viva la vida string quartet (which arrangement took me 11 hours) not making the cut for auditions, and other misunderstandings that took us nowhere.. i was living in my own little bubble before this, where bossy me thought my ideas were perfect and the world had to revolve around me... but boy did my little bubble burst. if malam bakat taught me anything, it isn't about dancing or drums, it's about all kinds of other things, things that you normally get from experiencing life first-hand. i might seem like i'm talking about a sacred epiphany religion kinda thing, but nope. above all, i felt like the whole malam bakat experience was enlightening :)

it's really hard to put into words, but anyhoo :)

although i was emo-ing 99.9% of the time during malam bakat because my hair just refuses to look nice, or my make up just refuses to stay on my face, i can say i thoroughly enjoyed malam bakat and everything that came with it. i enjoyed how grateful i felt for being given the chance to perform for 24 Seasons drums, how accomplished i felt after our 5 minutes Toy Soldier dance even though i felt we could've done better/practiced harder, how stupid i felt for emo-ing because i'm hidden behind for the last pose for Jaiho. all the drama :X

*

i would've uploaded pictures and videos and feeling pretty nice about life, but yesterday after my little happy moment my little-happy-life-bubble burst for the freaking worst, because my STUPID KASPERSKY ANTIVIRUS PROGRAM deleted all my freaking photos. ALL. MY. PHOTOS. see?? this is what happens when you save a whole lifetime (maybe just a year or two) of photos, pictures and other sentimental stuff all in one hard disk. with no back-up. my heart skipped a beat when i realized kaspersky detected a threat in the folder and deleted it. why did i let this happen? it happened to my sister before but she was lucky to lose less than 512mb of data. me? i think i lost 10+ gb of photos. i feel like a big chunk of my LIFE just went *poof.

yesterday i was happily smiling to myself after transfering the 24 Seasons drums video and watching it in my laptop. the next minute i was devastated and praying like crazy. because all my photos went missing.

i'm the worst person for this to happen to. you know how paranoid i get even if i misplaced one single picture? now it's a whole freaking folder of memories washed down the drain :( i'm not talking about just normal photos. i'm talking about photos taken during my cherating trip. photos of the whimsical daily things i take shots of. videos of my fun times.

what if i'm old and grey/had memory loss and do not remember a single thing about my teenage/schooling years? the photos would be gone to ever make me reminisce about my youth anyway T.T

if i ever recover from this traumatic experience, i would update this post with pictures and videos. God knows why everything i try to do now has errors anyway. (like how i can't even upload facebook pictures onto blogger!?)

i am so devastated right now, i didn't even try to access my hard disk or touch the anti virus program settings because everytime i try to "restore" my files and access my files again, the antivirus just picks it up again and again and deletes it. God knows where my precious photos are now. i have not even switched off the computer since this thing happened, which was around 1am this morning. i couldn't even bring myself to wake up for church today because i didn't want to face the reality of my photos being deleted forever. i just slept and slept and slept today because i didn't want to face this :(

should i just unplug the computer and not access my hard disk forever and look at the empty white space where my "rachel's pictures and stuff!" folder was once there? should i just leave it switched on until i can get help? i think i'm having a mental, emotional break down!

Lord, please help me :(

A tribute to Michael Jackson

2009-06-30T23:37:00.004+08:00

as you know, i rarely set aside time to blog about my personal rants (maybe all that later. as i always say) but 5 days late, this is a tribute to Michael Jackson and the brilliant music he made.

i remember smiling as i hear "thriller" being aired on Lite FM on friday nights. i remember loving his music even more on Michael Jackson week, on American idol '09.

also, hearing songs like "heal the world" and his other Jackson 5 songs over the radio on the way to church... his songs reach such a variety of audience, even when there was a michael jackson tribute at 1U's main entrance i could see different crowds, united with the same sort of grief.

sure, he was maybe more well known for his weird behaviour than his music (to me, at least. until maybe this year.), but like Pn K said today in English class, he was just trying to relive his lost childhood. why else would he built a theme park and name it Neverland?

sigh, maybe he really deserved more.

what yan yun shared today in class, something along the lines of "just take life as it is". that somehow struck a chord in me because i've been putting things off lately. simple things like arrange books on shelves, or doing my homework. why can't i just live for the moment? life is but a fleeting instance and if i don't take hold of the now, i'm afraid i would be confined to that boring routine life can turn into. like wake up, go to school, sleep, complain about work, sleep more. maybe that occasional visit to 1U (to catch transformers 2 on friday. yay) makes life all that eventful, but life can be so much more. the challenge is to carpe diem, seize the moment, not forgetting coram deo, which means in the presence of God :)

Michael Jackson, no one can ever top your music. especially today, when even the most talentless people can get all-that famous. did i mention miley cyrus sucks at acting? her father's not any better. MJ is totally the most natural performer ever. sing some sweet tunes in heaven, MJ!

RIP, Michael Jackson.

17th :) did I tell you I love-hate birthdays?

2009-05-24T22:44:00.004+08:00

Hey world, blogging straight from my itouch so I will keep it short!

I'm officially 17 today :)

Yup, 17 full years of existence. Gosh, it's pretty tiring...

Okay. What a sadistic comment!

Anyway, as they say: a year older, a year wiser?

If that's the case, I would brag in my first step of 17-year-old wisdom:

I bought skinny jeans as an inspiration to exercise today :)

Well, the thing is, i've been wanting to get fit n slim ever since post PMR holidays, but to no avail.
There have been ups and downs (as in exercising and binge eating one after another). 2 years on, I have made my first move hoping to start anew! Wish me luck ;)

(actually it's not that I can't fit into those skinny jeans... But they're just so inspiring! Omg I'm totally crazy right.)

Ahh, I loove new beginnings. And this is the beginning of my 17th year! I hope I make the best of it.

More updates pretty soon. I've been hell busy with those exams (yeah, right). And thank you alethea for making my boring birthday extra special :)

passion is a BIG word.

2009-01-01T23:21:00.003+08:00

hello world :) it's a bit late for a happy-new-year post isn't it? i have a list of updates, but you know what i'm going to do now? i'm going to write "stop procrastinating" on top of my new year resolutions list. like now. or maybe, later :D

(pun intended.)

had a blast watching Mamma Mia, the smash hit musical just now at istana budaya. the funky abba tunes, the vibrant colours, the atmosphere was just bursting with enthusiasm for 2009. gawsh, i feel inspired already.

off to start working on my 2009 resolutions list. ciaoo :)

untitled

2008-12-05T23:22:00.003+08:00

it's almost 12am, and i have to leave for KLIA in 6 hours time. i have not finished packing, neither have i complete my "stuff to do before hong kong" list. daaaaaarn :(

i have this conscience practically begging me to start doing one task on my list: update blog :)

i do owe this diary some updates... you know, from Trixxon's overwhelming wins to my addiction in Pet Society, from BRATs camp to my exam results, from my Twilight movie disappointment to my newly discovered passion... aaaall that, and more!

(why do i feel like i'm promoting the new season of ugly betty)

gah. why do i stumble and fall each time i try to pick myself up, armed with the spiritual guidance i need to run this race called life.

wow, i can be deep.
and nooo, i'm not referring to my blogging, duh. there's just some self-disappointment jabbing at my heart at the moment.

so, back to the point. my purpose for this post, to tell the world i'm still alive ;) ~~or to convince myself i'm still capable of not being a failure for once~~ i'll be leaving for hong kong tomorrow morning and i am really excited! how ironic that i am so pumped up for this trip, this trip i have longed for because i haven't been traveling, but here i am up so late, promising myself to do some research on the places i'll be visiting to maximize this trip but ending up nowhere near completion.

fineee, i'll go wherever the tour guide brings us. but i do want to visit madam tussauds.

till after the trip then, seeya ;)

forget Edward Cullens. i'm on Team Jacob.

2008-10-10T01:40:00.011+08:00

Pure Nerd

70 % Nerd, 48% Geek, 30% Dork

For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions.
You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.

Congratulations!

-THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

what a way to start the post :)

hello people of the world! any of you out there still wondering whether i'm still alive or just too busy with life to blog?

finals coming in two weeks and i have not started studying sejarah. i can't study something i hate and don't approve of =.=

but i have to, eventually.

because the only fact i can remember from the textbook from my feeble attempt to study sejarah that day was Ibn Battuta who traveled to China, Africa (or was it south africa) and India.

omg damn pro la me. i am easily amused.

just a quick recap of September:
1. this one is throughout the month, mind you: a lot of flipping through the newspaper, reading articles in the "nation" section, bad-mouthing ISA, and complaining to everyone about how malaysia is so messed up nowadays.

yes, i must admit that i might overthinking a lot of things. what's the logic behind the paranoid 16-year old girl who ~~complains~~ worries about her country so much? that person nothing better to do is it?

2. OMG. OMG. i have shared the awesome news too many times (actually not la. just to myself LOL) and now it seems somewhat, just, plain news now... because i was going through some fairly young orchestra members and established musicians' profiles yesterday, i realized i am just a comparatively incompetent piano player who took 5 whole minutes to write the seventh chord of f# minor with the fourth note flattened in melodic form 1st inversion just now in piano class, what? only to later confuse myself and i had to refer back to my grade 6 theory =.=

i compare myself to everyone these days. even with the scientist who won the nobel prize for discovering the HIV virus.

so, back to the point, i am so freaking happy (hmm, no bombastic words could beat this simple emotion) to say that:

i've got a bloody DISTINCTION for piano and a freaking MERIT for violin!!

i mean it's so freaking unexpected and surreal, i mean, omg distinction for grade 8 piano? i jumped off the couch still in pajamas, danced a stupid dance and ran all the way to my music centre to collect my scoresheet.

nah, you didn't really think i did that, did you?

so anyway, i was on the couch on one lazy morning on 21st september, reading astro guide (yes i had nothing better to do), when my mum came home from school and went: "guess what? you got your results!!!"

great, i had thought, what a great way of kick-starting my already dreadful day (i woke up super late, you see). very cliche, but as if time really freezes for 1 second because i absolutely DREADed my results, i half-expected my mum say that i failed in violin but OMG. it's so surreal altogether!

maybe at that moment was the very moment i actually thought i was a great pianist! so we went to collect my scoresheets. [pictures soon]

they said the other few candidates for grade 8 piano didn't even pass. all i could say was -being my normal paranoid self- "maybe my examiner was too lenient?"

i did have my reasons for saying that. it's because normally the exam board would assign an examiner who would test me in both piano and violin, so i normally got the examiner who tests violin candidates.

but i had another reason to doubt that: i had my piano exam first before my violin.

it's a fairly relevant reason because if i did score a "some super playing today. good luck in future studies." comment from the examiner, maybe i had given him an impression that i understand music and all, so my violin wouldn't have looked so bad. mum also said all examiners have this understanding of music, so they would know when they see a pianist with potential.

i'm still happy :) my friends and music teachers are happy for me too, and i love them to bits for supporting me through that excruciating phase of pre-music exam fears. although my violin teacher DID comment that my examiner was probably lenient.

and i'm watching an awesome piano duet + performances by MPO on the works of beethoven and mendelssohn and another guy, currently practicing those nice romantic period songs that i love. piano-playing has never been so fueled with passion.

*on another note, i hope that River Flows In You is gonna really be Bella's lullaby in Twilight. been playing that song to de-stress lately. i fell in love with that song the very first time i heard it.

3. i finished Breaking Dawn/the whole Twilight saga before ~~Zheng Hong did~~ maybe during the second week of Sep. i think Breaking Dawn was good, because i had somewhat low expectations. i still LOVE Jacob Black ;)

it seems like my life/even school life and studies have been revolving around Eclipse and Breaking Dawn so much that once i've finished it i felt empty. like i had nothing to read, although A walk to remember is still in that paperbag collecting dust.

so i went back to studying =.=

4. i had my eyebrows threaded. gone, the bushy line of stray hairs i call eyebrows. it looks much more defined now :) the world should go threading. everyone would look prettier. unless of course, if you're so lucky you're born with natural arched defined brows.

but you are forewarned, it does squeeze a few tears out of you. especially when the thread goes riiiip when it plucks out a few stray hair near your eyes :'(

sigh, the things girls do. why don't guys need to worry about waxing their legs, armpits, bikini line and butt crack ( i seriously didn't know people do that before i saw it under "list of services")... go search Youtube for "7 things - miley cyrus" spoof. and while you're at it search for "the dark knight" spoof too. it's freaking hilarious!

5. frog dissections are so emotional. go figure. [pictures soon]

6. oh yeah, and tagging people with scotch tape is so fun. chern yao got BIMBO by me and i got "edward and jacob's WHORE" from him. i sticked it on my Breaking Dawn and my MUM saw it O.O felt so BRATs. although in BRATs i received a "i have no identity" tag :(

7. trixxon's getting on my (*&^% nerves. if there's one thing trixxon taught me, it taught me that i shouldn't venture into business next time. if i can't tahan the people here what makes you think i can tahan real asses in the real business world.

but our Corporate Social Responsibility thing during Raya hols was OK, although i had to promote to random people in that same blue shirts we all have (blitzerz supporters shirt =.=) at the SS2 wet market, stand for whole morning with nicole helping this aunty to sell "tidak laris" soya bean jelly with the aunty next stall was looking somehow unhappy that we helped this aunty instead of her. we didn't have any choice what chern yao just referred us to this aunty. but i did buy a waffle from her and helped her attract someone to purchase the last waffle :D

wan hong and gang were also opposite our stall and they sold that waddoyacallit rice inside the triangle? chong? maybe nicole and i were not persuasive enough x.X

HAHA. i called a guy uncle and he turned back looking hurt. LOL. "uncle, yao mai jelly ma??"

so we had a photoshoot at KLCC on monday during the week of Raya hols. absurd, i know. considering we had to rush back home via LRT before 4pm if not face the wrath of the hungry crowd (employees of petronas mostly according to dad) rushing home to break fast.

[pictures soon]

so it was hot and dumb, under the sun. bleh. good thing we got fairly good photos.

annual report due date so soon and we designers are so stressed. not our job to care but directors are taking their own sweet time. what happened to, text before wednesday? hopefully they'll come u with it TOMORROW. i'm not placing my final exams in jeopardy okaaay. luckily we found a way doing every page of 4 reports without adobe photoshop. if not we'll die lah.

and what happened to CHEER 2008 photos? any pictures of anyone promoting, handling students in buses, taking attendance in the bus? NO? considering we have a whole report dedicated to it our lack of pictures just means: no proof. ahem, photographers are appointed for a reason??

everything is screwed anyway. ~~pretending we did projects that were never done? i know nothing.~~

just yesterday the three advisors had different opinions on the cover me and alethea designed. sue said it's too school magazine cover. edmund said i don't know what he said but it was negative. ravin said he liked it. sue and edmund insisted we standardize all report covers. ravin didn't think so...

conclusion: what now?

i guess we graphics team will just have to wait till the text comes. then go whose house to do also, is a problem. crap lah, seriously.

i can smell war brewing in the air and good thing fiscal year is ending.

btw i wasn't talking about the advisors. LOL.

*

4 in the morning (omg thats a song title right? hehe) and i haven't packed my bag and brushed my teeth and taken out my contact lenses and finished my bio work and studied. sei lo. what was i doing 5 hours online, again? oh YEAH. i was supposed to discuss with Sam on worship this sat.

imagine how many facts i can memorize if i did study sejarah in this 5 hours. pfft.

oops before i forget,

HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY to my dear sis!

you're the best sister in the whole world because you tolerate me calling you noob and vice versa! i love you to death and you are still the awesome sushi :) since you got me converse shoes for my birthday i shall get you something soon!

what with music exams, BRATs, cherating and everything else.

2008-08-30T12:23:00.017+08:00

i think ole BRATs pull-out is coming out tomorrow in the Star newspaper :)

can't wait can't wait.

you would realize that i've changed my blog look. yup. there's more to come! i'm hoping i can learn how to design simple blog skins now that i have a little more free time now that my music exams are OVER :))

let's see, what did i missed updating about?

music exams:

the moment i got out of that small elevator and stepped onto the 10th (or was it 9th?) floor of PJ Hilton... i already knew everybody was ahead of schedule... i waited for 5 minutes and got called into the examiner's room, an hour early! it didn't feel like it was the typical exams i've had previously because everything was quite relaxed... so i just went in and greeted the examiner, you now, stuff you usually do when you go for exams.

i considered myself lucky because my piano exam went before my violin exam. that way, i believe, can give a rather OK first impression to the examiner. then i'll come in with horrible out-of-tune violin songs and playing wrong scales. then maybe, just maybe, the examiner would be a little easy on me ;)

that's what happened lo. but i must say that this exams this time around was more relaxed, God knows why, maybe it's the atmosphere and the coming-early and get-done-with-exam-an-hour-early part. it wasn't the usual scene in the fairly crowded waiting room, with every candidate and their parents and their teachers having different feelings altogether, like anxiety or what not. i was waiting in an empty waiting room. who knows why there was an empty room when everyone else was crowded in another waiting room opposite. adds to the stress doesn't it?

so i entered the examiner's room. he looked friendly, but then again every examiner i have met looked quite the same. the same friendliness, the same greeting with some sort of accent. (this guy's accent was so strong i didn't understand what he wanted when he asked for F# major scales)

i continued saying "morning" until i realized, when entering the examiner's room for a second time for violin exam, it was an hour past noon =.=

piano went fairly well, aside from the occasional 'slipped' notes here and there. not too bad. scales were SO comparatively easy i almost laughed thinking of how hard i practiced for the dreaded ones like B minor scales, a sixth apart. songs were OK, but i thought that i played so much better at home. for the fugue in my first song by Bach, i had quite a few missed notes cus i was darn nervous but it was quite OK too. aural: OK. but i definitely failed the modulations part cus my answer was: f major modulated to e major. it's a MINOR 2nd. my two answers were contradicting each other =.= singing from memory was so easy. i thought i would struggle with it cus i had problems memorizing long melodies...

sight-reading for piano (the one i was worried about) was EASY. thank God, it was in C major, of all keys :) it was this catchy tune that was definitely easy to play.

but then i shouldn't get too confident.

violin however, sucked. a lot. i tried my best to practice hard at home to try and sound my best, but when i played for the examiner i just went, crumbling down :( first song, the fast song i was good at, i had SO many out-of-tune notes and seemed to struggle with the never-ending running notes... second song was OK, third song, the song i was worried most about because i constantly got the timing wrong with my piano teacher (playing the piano accompaniment), my teacher actually said my third song was the best among the three.

scales for violin sucked most. f minor arpeggio i played f major up and f minor down, at a failed attempt to slur the notes. i think it was SO bad that i could somehow sense the examiner's annoyance. and that freaky change in atmosphere and what he said too, he would either say: thank you very much, indeed! or thank you. for my violin exam, he rarely said the first one, more of the latter, with a kind of disapproving tone (or was i just being TOO paranoid) :/ aural: sucked too. cus i saw the disapproval in the examiner's eyes when i struggled to name the chord progressions :/ mind you it was grade 6 aural, if i had knew my grade 8 aural well i wouldn't have struggled here... sight reading: fairly easy (lucky me)!

thinking about the whole violin exam makes me shiver and ponder at the thought: if i did fail my violin exam this year. i would be a HUGE disappointment to my parents and my teacher :( considering the large amount of money my parents spend on my violin lessons and exams... maybe i should just stop, once and for all, to ease the burden, my burden also. it's not like i play the violin well in church anyway (i disliked playing violin in church because i just feel so inferior. like the good violin players are out to get me.). i would love to learn how to play the piano for church but then again i feel inferior too. if i was that good, somebody would have taught me that already. i would love to play the piano, for God, one day. how nice would it feel, being able to express different kinds of feelings -love, adoration, praise- for God, through an instrument i'm particularly good at expressing things?

i would totally work on playing fantasie impromptu - chopin, for now :) on the piano lah.

after the exams, however:

despite promising myself to finish up my ever-piling piles of homework right after music exam so i can for once, concentrate fully on my studies (i am starting to feel inferior in my class. but not that i've never been feeling that earlier on... but come to think of it also, i feel inferior in everything), i have been indulging in some guilty pleasures just yesterday (after i tried to complete the add maths work i've missed out on during the two days absence in school :/ for a day or so...), in the form of -guess what-

BOOKS :)
lots and lots of story books.

it's been hell long since i've read ANY story book. my Memory keeper's daughter and Marshmallow's for breakfast and another i-forgotten-the-title book just lie there on my book shelf collecting dust.

okay maybe reading isn't such a guilty pleasure after all. i'm fully aware that i should read more chinese and english books to increase my grasp on the two languages! thanks to some influence from BRATs and also chinese tuition... hmm. (like, i totally feel inferior because every BRAT i see seemed to be some sort of bookworm who loves fantasy storybooks with sometimes-quite-hard-to-read-because-author's-vocab-too-wide english...)

okay i might just leave the chinese part out, because i didn't buy chinese story books (i've written a stupid crappy essay yesterday night at tuition and am not happy about it), but i bought english ones instead, at the MPH clearance sales!

let's see, i bought:

1. A walk to remember by Nicholas Sparks

i know it's fairly long ago this book was released, heck i even remember myself going to a friend's house when i was 12 and watching the movie, and have my friend saying that the movie came out long ago. i wanted myself to try out a Nicholas Sparks book, but wasn't too sure what to get because his other books that were available at the sales had quite the same story-lines. about adults falling in love and uncovering deadly secrets. or was that another book. i don't know :/

2. If you could see me now by Cecelia Ahern

i have heard people saying that this is one of her best books (i didn't really like When Rainbow Ends but i loved PS i Love You), so i thought i'd give it a try too. it's only priced RM25.80 anyway. this is the only book i've started reading so far and it's definitely engrossing ;) love it love it love it!!!

3. Diary of Anne Frank

it's definitely something worth owning because it has its historic value mah. not to mention it's sad and touching and gives us an insight on the life of a jewish girl during the world war II. besides i've been wanting to get hold of this but popular bookstore's only one left was left crumpled and old :/

4. (last but not least) New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer

:)))) imagine how surprised i was to walk into the sales to find all the three books decked right in front!!! i wanted Twilight for keeps and for my sister but i later on decided on buying the other three because Twilight just wasn't there :/ i got New Moon for RM20+, Eclipse RM 27+, Breaking Dawn RM30+! quite a bargain but the books were hmm, not quite in good condition compared to the ones in MPH bookstores lah. they still look okay but you know the way the pages of the Twilight saga books flow/flip over so nicely when you flip the page :) my book doesn't really have that 'flow'. omg i'm being fussy wei. anyhow, i'm SO happy :)

despite me hearing about the dissatisfaction over the fourth book and i've already finished reading spoilers for every book, (some said the 2nd and 3rd book were not really nice as compared to Twilight) i gladly bought them "for keeps", quote Alethea:

"i only bought them because they look nice on my book shelf."

and i bought Alethea, i think in my history of gift-giving, the best gift ever. it's RICH in hidden meaning okay. haha! inside joke inside joke :)

*
[it's 2am now on Sunday 31st august. No, actually it's already Monday cus it's 2am!]

i wanted to rant on about BRATs and also the cherating trip since i have adequate pictures, but it's 2 in the morning and i want to continue reading New Moon, or at least finish my add maths work :/ maybe i'll add on to this post tomorrow. i'm trying to make the longest post ever :)

If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern was so touching it made me cry :'( go pick it up if you haven't already read it!! it's considered the first chick-lit book i've finished reading in two days. it was simply too engrossing and it wasn't that long. heck, i would've finished it in a day if i didn't go for that yf merdeka celebration and bk class and chinese tuition and accounts tuition :/

which reminds me,

HAPPY 51TH INDEPENDENCE, MALAYSIA.

May God bless our nation, and hope we can grow maturely as a nation, regardless of race and the age-old unity problems and corruption and all that stuff.

*

a bunch of us camwhoring on the last night of BRATs. picture from Chan's facebook profile. as usual, i am partially blocked. see the ugly girl in the red shirt? the third one, from left. i didn't post the other one up cus i was completely blocked. was i that insignificant or i just didn't know how to move x.X
erm, not that i wanted to be seen, anyway. i looked hideous :O

ole BRATs also came out today! catch our videos at thestaronline.tv, particularly the rubber estate worker's plight because i helped made it and heck you can even see my name in the credits and i was darn surprised lo :D

they -whoever from star- edited some though. from the background music i found to the font used. omg i think that they used the video we saved right before editing :(

so the one that was played on the last day of BRATs wasn't really that one on the website :( but luckily they edited too, because we needed to be presentable, right, because the Star is a newspaper with such a reputation, and we sorta needed to uphold that...

someone complains that there was just a 'speck' of him in the newspaper photograph. he seriously has a way of hurting me sometimes. just by making that comment he could be indirectly insulting me, because i wasn't even in any of the photographs, except for the huge picture right in front, that guy, Arul who was helping the rubber estate people blocked me, you could only see my hair and pen :)

i'm sure he didn't mean it though. i'm TOO paranoid.

but like the usual immature self, i was SO excited to see snippets of the essay i helped write being used in the Kajang essay.

yes, i do get amused very easily.

2008-08-26T22:03:00.002+08:00

music exam is tomorrow!!! LORD SAVE ME :(

ahh, result of my procrastination. see see SEE! i should've listened to the paranoid or rational part of me. i ponteng-ed school for practice but didn't really practice either.

why am i even online?

wait. i'm trawling youtube for inspiration okay.

wei serious one lah. want me post the videos here?

so these are the songs i'm gonna play for ABRSM grade 8 tomorrow. violin ones? too lazy to post lar.

wish me luck :/

2008-08-24T23:45:00.002+08:00

i'd hate to weigh myself because i think i've gained lots of weight this week...

reasons?
1. BRATs. they feed us like, 4 times a day. they had at least 4 types of cereals for breakfast everyday, and i had to put an extra pineapple danish every morning on my plate because they were just so yummy...

2. cherating trip. i ate like, seriously a lot. seafood, mainly. although some meals i had in cherating were erm, not really nice la. the RM 10 chicken burger i had during lunch on the first day at a hotel is tasteless, and even the burgers i buy at the roadside stalls near my home, which cost only RM2+, tastes better.

3. i ate mcD just now. do the math :(

anyway, the cherating trip:

yes, i am back! glad that i have found time to take beautiful-awesome pictures with my -omg- new camera.

sadly i didn't enjoy every minute of the trip. throughout i was filled with just STRESS and nothing else, maybe the occasional admiration of the breath-taking sceneries of sandy beaches (omg! oxymoron here!).

i could go into details and post ohsobeautiful pictures here BUT sadly i have that troublesome mid-term report cover to finish (yes i have NOT finished.), my bag to pack for school tomorrow, and the MOST dreadful thing to do is to practice practice practice (piano n violin)!!

mind you i have only 3 MORE FREAKING DAYS. my exam is on wednesday.

only God can save me now :(

STRESSFUL things aside, i'm feeling a sense of deep regret getting my bangs cut short.

if you're wondering how it looks now, it's like a straight cut, the bangs end right below my eyebrows. kinda like those nice trendy bangs now, but unfortunately my face shape does NOT want to compliment the new bangs (or the new bangs does not want to compliment my ugly face? i dont know) . how do some people pull this look off nicely?? it's never possible for me.

i should have known because it's not my first time getting this cut. seriously. why do i always have to ruin my hairrrrr.

why did i even have to go for a hair cut when i'm happy with the way my hair looked in the first place? darn.

BRATs :)

2008-08-20T22:46:00.003+08:00

stolen from someone. thanks :)

and so, i went to BRATs and lapsed into "use better english, talk better english" and "i'm a budding journalist" mode.

i came back home after 4 days and 3 nights, got hit by the harsh reality of MUSIC EXAMS which is, next week. wtf?

mum says i have to go to Cherating on friday. great. so that leaves me with, less than a week to prepare? are you kidding me. am i kidding myself? now shall i go into suicidal mode?

emo things aside, BRATs was a one-of-a-kind experience, as cliché as it sounds, seriously. i met new people, learned how to edit videos, and all the basics of being a journalist and stuff.

and i got SO excited, i even went on a shopping trip today to get a CAMERA. a 8 megapixel, wide LCD screen camera. i am SO excited!! (so i promised my mum i wouldn't complain about the Cherating trip.)

and because i only got a mere 2 hours of sleep on the last night of BRATs (most of the time staying up doing the video) , i slept for the whole day yesterday. i didn't even touch my violin, the piano or the bloody scales book. sleeping could be such a blissful getaway experience, seriously!

sorry for the brief BRATs story. i am TOO sleepy and i have zero inspiration for the bloody cover for the bloody mid-term report for Trixxon. why the hell is it SO last minute. you think it's easy to just make a bloody cover overnight, huh.

knowing how to use photoshop doesn't mean i can just *pooof* up a nice cover overnight, like a machine. i hope you understand that.

i'll return soon with awesome, camwhore pictures, okay?

random-ness.

2008-08-15T23:59:00.003+08:00

because Blitzerz supporters actually look that small from the top.

because we love doodoodolls.

because my shirt matches her shorts, although we didn't color coordinate

because we let go, let God.

because our shoes begs to be camwhored...

BRATs is tomorrow :), music exam is looming :(, and we're planning for a trip to cherating i don't want to go for because i wanna practice for music exam =.=

and suddenly my one-week bliss of a holiday becomes awfully dreaded.

okay, this is what i think : i think i should study medicine and take A-levels, either at Taylor's or Sunway, right after SPM.

yes, that career day thing in our school today made us all think and worry about the future. the future is such a scary concept, isn't it?

quote me: why worry about the future and what to do when we grow up? who knows whether we could even live that long.

i immediately got slammed because alethea says thats the most pessimistic thought ever.

but when you really think about it is just as pessimistic before? i mean, life's pretty short and fragile, doncha think?

beijing olympics!

2008-08-09T20:44:00.004+08:00

omg the opening ceremony was so awesome. although i wasn't smart enough to last-minute subscribe Astro supersports just before the ceremony, i caught it on *drumroll RTM1!! so it started at 8.30pm. actually i barely reached home in time lar. there was hell in form of jams everywhere last night. wonder why. maybe everyone was rushing home to watch the opening ceremony? i don't know. so at 8.00pm a few of us were stranded at terrytee's tuition centre waiting for our mums and dads to fetch us. little did i know at that time chern yao was near there too, in jaya diri i think, catching the countdown of the ceremony. you know the 3, 2, 1... erupt with cheer part? yeah. wait. maybe people at terrytee's place were watching too. i don't know :( and i hate it that i deprived of sleep so long, only to fall asleep right after the China team marched past, and MISS the torch lighting part. darn!

by the way lang lang pianist part rocks! and i love their running around formations and super-synchronized martial arts stuff. from a top view you could see the tiny people. thousands of them. imagine how much hard work was put into it? simply choreographing and just teaching the moves to all the thousands of people... it must be a hard feat. i admire them a lot. i mean just allocating funds for like, fireworks and moving platform, and paying the electricity bill and buying/making identical costumes for those thousands of performers and making so many identical equipments. must have cost them at least millions?

(strangely after being in trixxon i find myself amused by all the behind-the-scenes work. you know like how i see the trip to Cheer being organized every year but little did i know how hard it is to actually take over the job? and how others think the same way as i do last time. that we earn big bucks doing it and it's an easy job because we get help. in fact we didn't get much help, really. i mean compared to previous years i guess.)

(but i secretly think that the performers were TOO synchronized, to the point that it looks like it's photoshopped or edited. you know, the usual copy and paste. TOO synchronized! it almost seems impossible.)

they make the chinese all around the world feel so, so proud.

but it might have been nice to watch it live. with Astro supersport :(

this recent habit of mine, dwelling in the past and taking into account that i'm missing certain chances of lifetimes (funny i add an 's'. we only have one lifetime dont we) only not that serious, when i'm not doing this and that at which moment. but if you think about it, then i have a lot to think about don't i? at exactly 9.00pm, computer time, 9th august 2008 at this past second i could have done something else instead of blogging right. or rubbing my eyes.

it's like how i spent my one n only 16th birthday watching indiana jones instead of having the birthday bash i've dreamed of.

it's like how i missed MTV asia awards and emo about it, only to watch the repeat being aired on MTV again right just now. and find it not that amusing to watch anyway. the performances were great though :) and linkin park ROCKS!

anyway. i have already called astro to subscribe astro supersport. now mum's saying why didn't i think of doing that earlier so we can all watch the opening ceremony because her colleagues did the same. and btw it only costs extra 10 bucks :) awesome. i'm just gonna unsubscribe after the games anyway. i'm still counting down the 5 hours. or 24 hours. because they said it would take minimum 5 hours for me to view my new channel :( shocking because i subscribed star world, MTV and channel V last time and i could view those channels straight away. darn.

*

rachel: you know how it's like when u're really confident u would do well, better than last time because u prepared much more, but got 1 mark lower than the one last time =.=

rachel: and like, when u go out u get all yr perfectly memorized lines jumbled up in yr head because everyone is busy doing their own work

rachel: and u desperately wanna end it before school ends so it's really messy and rushed....

rachel: dont we all suck sometimes... we just have to get over it and improve

that chat history pretty much sums up my BM ULBS experience. seeya.

08/08/08 :)

2008-08-08T14:18:00.002+08:00

i failed my piano trial exam. bleh. i've gotta work harder >(

in the busy-ness preparing for bio exam, sej exam, piano n violin lessons (you see, i have not practiced.), BM ULBS, accounts tuition and sat's bk class (both extra classes have piling up homework.), i STILL managed to take a 3 hour long afternoon nap. impressive eh?

what can i say? i love sleeping :) it's like taking a break from life, isn't it?

OMG, i want to read Eclipse and New Moon by stephanie meyer!! someone please lend it to me...

don't ask me why i decide to blog aimlessly... i just thought it would be nice to blog on 08/08/08. so there! we'll all be watching beijing olympics opening ceremony tonight anyway.

2008-08-02T11:32:00.003+08:00

sigh. we got second last for marching =.=

anyway i was happy because trixxon got awarded the most active club, pengakap unit beruniform terbaik, and choir sekolah persatuan harapan 2008. yay :)

but on a more cheerful note, i got accepted for BRATS! :) I've just only received a call from them saying that i've been accepted! but i still haven't received the application form email though.

okay, YOU. i know i called up the BRATs people to inquire about whether i got accepted because everyone else, including YOU, had received the letter, but that doesn't mean i got accepted just because i called. because if i was not accepted they wouldn't have said, during the first time i called, that they were still finalizing the list, and they wouldn't also have called me the second time breaking the news to me "you got accepted". seriously, just keep your sarcastic comments to YOURSELF.

i have this weekend to finish some tedious deco job for trixxon EYE week, this weekend to finish practicing my piano exam piece n scales (curse you contrapuntal baroque pieces) and violin scales (curse you violin scales) to prepare for trial exam next tuesday, this weekend to start studying, and this weekend to (thankGod,) go out with friends to watch the Dark Knight...

anyway picture this damn stressful scenario when you have less than 4 weeks to prepare for music exams but are bombarded with stupid last minute monthly tests that you don't plan to study for anyway (and everyone plans to do the same, but in the end getting A1s for every subject), and when your BK homework's piling up and you're supposed to pass up in an hour, and impossible-to-finish-single-handedly trixxon tasks which i have to carry out with the help of my sister, thankfully, especially when everyone else refused to help on excuses that they are busy or what not. as if i'm NOT busy. just please read my above rantings and do the judging.

why can't weekends be at least 3 days? with the mere 48 hours i despise the fact that i already wasted 11 hours of the weekend sleeping like a pig. life's so hard to live.

copa iba :)

2008-07-27T21:25:00.006+08:00

"Time has change.Schools have changed.It's not about kids going to study.It's a political and racial warzone.No voicing out.Everything is being suppressed.Including the freedom to speak the truth.Lies spread like wild fire on paper.Thats the only way to describe smk Bu4."

catch all the drama at smkbu4parents.blogspot.com

it's a bit like airing smk bud4's dirty linen in public (lol). am i right?

and i also found this:

Who should answer when children ask what is "sodomy"?
A. Parents
B. The Police Force
C. The Attorney-General
D. The Minister of Education

sigh, the malaysia political scene.

pictures i owed :)

(from nat khoo! thanks!)

biggest toilet roll like paper i've ever seen.

the gang! muahahaa.

we were THAT bored huh.

i'm the one in baju kurung! thank God i didn't have to wear my unflattering pinafore. not that baju kurungs are flattering to my physique, anyway.

saving the best for last, the highlight of my post as suggested by the title: COPA IBA '08, just yesterday :)

the very first time i participated, first time i ran around like crazy for captainball, first time i had muscle pull the day after playing captainball, first time i injured my feet playing captainball.

of course, we made up a really great senior team :)

most of us are 16, and vs. some college students or tall ones, we were quite okay lah. we played till the semi-finals (of the losers pool i think. i'm still clueless how the system works). just when we thought we could win agape... they caught up and won by 2 points :(

anyway i consider myself an incompetent player. i was glad that the pros like JJ and han jung played too. i was this sucky defender for one half of each game. some people were really aggressive. especially this agape player i marked. she pushed me all the way throughout the game, man.

the most embarrassing moment was when i tried to catch a ball headed the opponent's way. she was in front of me and the ball was heading more towards me, so she stepped back, i stepped in front, and BAM! we collided and fell to the floor. that being the first match i played that day, i wondered what was in store for us later. it was embarrassing and awkward, exchanging apologies and all. when the game ended she came over to apologize i thought she wanted to shake my hand so i took hers and almost wanted to introduce myself when i realized she just wanted to say sorry. i hope i don't come across as lesbian-ish :O

and so the match was a draw lah. and omg our defender damn chun man. he's like SO TALL, and so good at defending.

after 6 matches (we played 7 i think.) we got 3 wins (one team was not there so we won automatically!), 3 loses, and one draw (the game aforementioned).

shah alam team wasn't so aggressive lar. in fact i think i was more aggressive in a way because i actually injured my feet attempting to get the ball. this was what happened: the ball went bouncing off and no one caught it, so it landed near me and two opponents. as the three of us ran after the ball... i mean i don't run fast but the ball was nearer to me... so i went down to grab the ball. it was kinda embarrassing really. and on another occasion, i blocked the ball away from one opponent (the only time i succeeded playing defence in 7 matches), only to find the ball landing in another opponent's hand. talk about bad luck there.

overall we had a lot of fun. i'll stop here because i realized i haven't touched my bio homework to be handed up tomorrow.

one thing i don't like about edward cullen: he's fictional :(

2008-07-18T23:50:00.003+08:00

sigh. we didn't win anything. even with our cheerleading team's killer moves and our loud cheers... xavier -wait weren't they supporting adele too? but they were mostly in green- bagged the best supporters award.

damn paiseh lar, if you'd ask me. the moment they announce that they're gonna announce the results for the best supporters' award we blitzerz supporters screamed, kinda like we were certain that we would bring home the RM5,000 mcD vouchers.

anyway, blitzerz did an amazing job... if i'm not mistaken they came in 6th. and OMG stunners all-boys got third! Shirtliff made cheer history by bringing home three awards, among them the first placing. dynamitez, the then defending champion came in second. honestly i thought that dynamitez routine was nicer. oh well.

glad cheer's over. gone the days of endless promoting to the students who would just throw us dirty looks like we were desperate. gone, also, the days of cheer tension in the air (although the cheer aftermath, whoa , was, tension filled too. maybe some of you would have heard...).

*

wednesday i skipped school to participate in a lawatan-sambil-belajar to karangkraf publishing factory n a petrol station. wow, i haven't used that malay term in years, huh. sounds so primary school.

okayokay i admit at first i wasn't too keen on going although i was lucky to have drawn lots and got the smiley face LOL because the others were not too keen too, but OMG, i'm glad i went on with it.

let's see, i learned how to make people look slimmer in pictures, change their hair colour and so much more :) i peeked at a woman making the website for karangkraf or sinar harian, using dreamweaver! awesome... i really should work for a magazine next time, you know, like CLEO or 17 xD

it's just like pursuing my editorial board "job" full-time!

okay maybe not la. i'm still uncreative, anyway.

so early morning chern yao, yun wei, alethea and i went to exxon mobil office in edmund's car (he's one of the advisers.). and we had fun in the car although i was emo for quite a bit when it comes to why i haven't received the letter from BRATs (i wanna go that bad ~~but it clashes with my tennis tournament~~), and OMG memorable quote from alethea:

alethea to edmund in midst of talking about careers: eh, erm, ARE YOU SMART??
noisy chernyao and i suddenly becomes quiet, chernyao starting laughing, i started laughing, we laughed so hard i don't know what edmund said to her... erm, did we offend him ar? oops.

thre were several alethea-moments too. ahh she's really cute and funny :)
another memorable one:

alethea *pointing at petrol station roof*: erm, why does all the petrol stations look the same?
exxonmobil guy launches into a series of explanations and says that petrol stations have a standard design.
alethea: but why must it be standard? why can't this petrol station be special?
exxonmobil guy says because all petrol stations are standardized. so people will know that this is a petrol station.
alethea hurls more n more questions.

omg she is darn cute lar :)

anyway i really had fun :) like, really really! pictures up later la, because we cam-whored a lot xP chern yao's fault.

twice!
(inside joke)

anticipation and all that :)

2008-07-11T23:12:00.003+08:00

after working our asses off for every recess while basking in the joy of cutting classes, quickly rushing to complete the cheer banner, making pompoms and playcards to sell, having endless frustrations and dissatisfaction (maybe it's just me)...

CHEER 2008! IT'S TOMORROW :)

please turn up to cheer for our beloved Blitzerz (and buy our products too)! we need your support (and also to win the Rm5,000 mcD voucher, so we would get enough fast food to make everyone obese and have cholesterol, or was it fat,-clogged arteries).

ok, ok, back to business (OMG pun not intended but i realize how funny it sounds), please come and support Blitzerz. the only worrying thing is that we book plenty of seats tomorrow but no one comes because normally people would prefer going on sunday. pleeease!

i've found something to be occupied with while we wait for the event to get started: paint faces! CEO's orders :)

and not to forget, a big thank you to all customers who have purchased Trixxon's stuff (and the pompoms i made!). continue supporting us as we provide better products and services.

btw can anyone update me on YEM stuff we're doing this weekend? i can't go :(

2008-06-18T19:13:00.002+08:00

i'm feeling shitty and lousy.

everything's piling up on my desk. i have another tuition later, and don't have time to even catch my breath following the rush of things, i have class layout (which thank God, i have finished after 4 hours or more), trixxon layout (deadline tmr), cheer flyer (im not even in the marketing department, they told me to finish by today), class divider (apparently pengetua and zubaidah didn't like it or something, im supposed to change it to green to look malay-ish =.='), find stuff for my production department, and other homework to do...

(why is everyone making the graphics department do so much stuff. easy la, to just dump the pile of work on us. do they realize that we are from other departments as well.)

did i also mention that:
1. my beloved add maths teacher will be leaving to teach the form 5s and i think we're gonna get our physics teacher.
2. our mod maths teacher left last week and the new teacher is nowhere to be seen until now.
3. moral teacher i think, went for cuti bersalin, our moral exam paper dunno where, dunno when she's coming back.
4. i desperately wanna change school, change country, change everything... malaysian educational system is going DOWNHILL. if only they realize, and understand the plight of students like ME. no better way to evaluate the educational system's progress than asking us students.
5. i want to study accounts in english... history too :(

and i thought things would get better.

hustle and bustle of life :(

2008-06-15T20:27:00.006+08:00

boo people! boy i'm nothing but glad this roller-coaster week is over :)

but briefly updating about last week (wait was it last week? well i think so! this week was slooow, seemed like forever):

converse shoes! i LOVE my sister. she bought them for me as a birthday gift :)

editorial board photoshoot. at editor's pretty huge house xD she actually brought us on a tour to the place!

graphics department! awesome people :)

and i came to love adobe photoshop! this proves that even somebody who's as uncreative as me can also work the thing. brushes mah :) they are God-sent!

i totally love my father's day flyer. they used it, pasting it around the school! mind you i thought my credits at the bottom left corner would be much smaller but i printed it and it was kinda huge O.O

you like? x)

(too bad when the flyer was photostated the background didn't show. hey, the background was the main thing kay. too bad also it was so last minute. if not i would have promoted besar-besaran at my church and also online!!)

anyway, let's see...

on monday i:
- tried to take picture of the class for class layout but failed miserably.
- had to walk around the school to find the people in charge of groups who were taking picture the next day for magazine. got scolded by teacher for not asking permission to go out :( thank God she that kind of a lenient, friendly teacher.
- sweat like hell.
- snapped at everyone in frustration. sorry guys.

on tuesday i:
- worked my arms (lots) carrying tables and chairs for photoshoot. with me were other editorial members. we carried tables and chairs to the front of tempat rehat because pengetua doesn't allow us to take our pictures at the usual garden place (scared we destroy her pondoks, plants and fountain ma..). then figrued that the angle and setting is really not good, so we asked pn zubaidah instead or whoever (as far as i know la), then we carried the stuff all the way back to the fountain area again =.=
- tried to take picture of class again but kinda failed too.
- asked people to help.
- snapped at people in frustration too. sorry if i was a bitch.
- was really hectic, managing all the classes and all, and not surprisingly some classes don't even listen to what i say. i know i'm not clad in a prefect uniform or i don't have any tags or what not to prove i'm from editorial board... you don't have to look at me to tell me i look hideous, because i know so myself.
- sweat a lot. then was pulled to the tennis photoshoot. i went "omg im not the ajk also." puan loh went "nevermind la, also fatin left so i put your name already." i shudder at the thought of the picture i will receive soon.
- relieved to find out that my class picture is gonna be taken the next day, only to find out later my class will be having the photoshoot on that day itself, was snapping at people for a simple reason: why now and why today?! why do i have to be the person who sweats a lot and gets her ugly sweaty look immortalized in her 2008 school magazine? sorry guys.
- i shudder at the thought of the picture i will receive soon.
- stayed back for choir and ironically took part in another photoshoot. i shudder at the thought of the picture i will see immortalized in the choir layout.

on wednesday i:
- thanked God i didn't need to help out in the photoshoot.
- tried to take picture of the class too. didn't really fail miserably.
- realize i look hideous in every picture i take, convinced that this is simply because i look ugly in the first place, not because the camera makes me look 10kg heavier in the face or not because i have certain good/bad angles. and with my straight fringe, i realize i still look drenched in sweat.
- received news that choir school team is gonna take part in the state level choir competition the next day. the thought of borrowing the skirt from jenyin didn't even cross my mind until 1am this day, so i had to disturb her beauty sleep by sms-ing :( sorry.

on thursday i:
- went for editorial board members photoshoot in the morning, so i had to wear school uniform with a few others, instead of wearing the choir uniform and putting on make up. let me tell you that it was angry to see editor and nicole asking pengetua to be in our photoshoot and she, just waving a hand to them, and continued to hurry somewhere, like dismissing them. you should have seen the rudeness of it. (mind you i was standing on this not-very stable table, being damn upset, the whole scene unfolded in front of all our eyes. we were like, huh?? what kind of stupid joke was that? she talks about us CHINESE STUDENTS being biadap, but clearly she haven't looked in the mirror) so we continued with our photoshoot anyway, but GUESS WHAT. pengetua came back! with a big grin on her face as if nothing happened just now, and just sat there like some big fat VIP. we had to take an extra chair in front okay, for the other teacher (pengetua sat in the middle ma...). candid shot, she left before we could say "candid".

- my second encounter with this headmistress was when we eventually went to Sri KDU for the choir competition. we were still numb at the fact that we were so privileged to enter the state competition despite getting second! but we didn't win anything la :( maybe we were a little too overconfident. but we were really awesome when we practiced, at the place, okay. good enough i guess.

anyway back to the point, i don't recall seeing the headmistress around during our performance on stage, talk about support. but i definitely saw her snagging the VIP seat in front before(mind you there were only 3 seats so they can't be for the pengetuas, right? there were like around 9 schools there).

we also saw some quite awful performances and wondered how they got first in their district. sorry la we're a bit mean, but really. one choir even had a pianist who only played the right hand melody! i mean seriously. we even heard her playing the base part at one point too. talk about cheating la. weird. she also used the pedal at the wrong times.

"got any award for best dressed?" thats what i heard someone say after pn gan announced we should go back to school because we didn't win anything. but i've gotta admit i think we had the best uniforms :) but the leaving early part, totally weird :(

on friday i:
- got back most of my exam papers.
- fumed at the news that the deadline for class layout was this day. for goodness sake i haven't even finished the class layout as of now. too many people to please :( too many expectations!
- realize i am supposed to design the Trixxon layout. as of now i had three uncompleted tasks that were behind schedule: i had to edit the kristen patrick interview layout, i had to complete the class divider and also the class layout. pffft.

but i simply love the fact that although i have no inspirations whatsoever before designing the layouts i make, i will manage to go along with the flow, i believe that God's guiding me. it's almost as if i just add one brush unexpectedly and go, hey, maybe this isn't so bad after all, and after a few added things my creation isn't close to what i started on in the first place, looking tons better.

on saturday, i:
- had fun in alethea's house. her dad has got to be the funniest person ever. heng lin was most picked on xD
- learnt how to clear someone's pimples. the masterminds: alethea and henglin and also chengyau. the someone: won't tell x)
- finished my class divider! it looks awesome. good enough for a noob like me.

today:
- father's day. nothing special.
- emo-ed quite a bit la. don't ever ask why.
- i don't know how to send the PSD files to puasze and xianhui (editor)!! im already really behind schedule.
- ate father's day cake my sis bought (the cake i mentioned earlier?)
- it was like eating blocks and blocks of sugar, although i liked the cake inside. mind you the icing was at least 1 cm thick. i feel like puking already. no i feel like i have diabetes. i didn't even finish it.

happy father's day everyone. hope you had a day better than i had.

thankgod im not a prefect.

2008-06-10T23:53:00.004+08:00

because arranging students weren't easy, and it makes people like me drench in sweat and posing for two bloody photoshoots after that and another one during choir.

why me? why today?

you prefects are awesome man.

more updates later.

2008-06-06T14:58:00.003+08:00

camwhores ;)
(trip to 1U for ads)

i am SO taking bible knowledge for SPM. it feels so right! like studying for SPM and studying God's word. awesome ;)

and yesterday's bible knowledge class was awesome too ;)

*

WHEW. a sense of relief rushed over me as i clicked the "send" button, and also the "exit" button in adobe photoshop...

after 4 or 5 hours of burning the midnight oil and stuff and trolling the net for brushes, yes, i have finished. my. layout!!!

my only hope is that they would put it in the mag ;)

till then, i shall not post the layout here. so bye :)

rejoice, because i got my phone back :)

2008-06-05T23:12:00.004+08:00

all my smses and notes are deleted though :( they even deleted the games i bought x(

they said my phone actually was sent back to the shop long since 16th may... they even said they called me but i didn't answer my phone. damn. ah, well, at least i got my phone back xD

*

omg. the cost of living is so high these days.

following the hike of petrol prices everyone's bet is that prices of other daily needs would increase too. even electricity is more expensive :(

my parents hated queues, so despite the lack of petrol, we didn't go along with the craze to fill up on petrol. so yeah. i've never seen so many petrol stations that congested in my life.

*

hey. actually designing a new layout for editorial board is NOT that hard. all you need is brushes. lotsa nice brushes and you're covered :)

hey you mataharians btw, i'm taking pictures for our class layout once school reopens. btw also, what do you think about the idea of having some simpson look-alikes on our layout too xD first thing i'll do i'll simpson-fy chernyao, the ketua kelas. muahahaha!

hopefully i can create a really nice layout! i'll be aiming to do a fun, chic, nice and simple layout! i'll make sure i'll make it attractive! you have my word!!! i'll burn the midnight oil just to make a skin that's nicer than last year's blur one (but last year's one was not bad)...

*

guess what? my hair's alllll straight again! went for the hairdresser's again for a 'touch-up', and they re-did the whole straightening process minus the heavy chemicals. they even made if FOC, free of charge! now my hair's ALL straight again omg 'm happy, despite the ironing process when my scalp got hurt a few times because the straightening iron came into contact. i really think that my brain cells will get burnt, okay.

you must think i'm such a rich brat, but i'm not, never was, never will be? :)

*

after the tiring trip to the mall searching for ads (my previous blog post), i had another one the next day. yubin's birthday is the next day so he kinda invited us primary school friends to hang out in 1U. it was kind of like a last minute thing, so only 6 of us turned up. 4 guys, 2 girls (shao ann n i...)

i admit it was kinda awkward... i mean i was just talking to shao ann, and the guys were talking among themselves. anyhow, we ae a really -should i say,- luxurious expensive sushi meal. and i also saw a lot of bu4 school mates.

we watched Superhero Movie and omg, was it funny and sick xD go watch it. but if silly storylines aren't your cup of tea, do not go to the cinema with high expectations, or don't even watch it at all! just sit back and enjoy the jokes, you'll be very much entertained!

PS: I love you!

(okay sorry i've been too engrossed in PS i love you recently.)

PPS: go to youtube n search for david sides. he rocks :)
(credits to wanhong for telling me about him. you rock too!)

the things i do for ed board ;)

2008-06-03T23:26:00.004+08:00

walking from new wing to old wing and going back and forth countless times at 1U, on a quest to -drumroll!- troll the shops for companies that are interested to advertise in our beloved yearly school magazine (playing the part of an editorial board member! whee!), walking for at least 5 hours till our legs were sore, weng si, chia poh, yee wen, chern yao and I (!) had a look-for-ads meeting today :)

okay, i've gotta admit i totally hated the stares some employees gave us (i'm not gonna mention any shop names though!), when they obviously wasn't interested in getting ads. i mean you could've just said a polite "no, thanks.", rather than throwing us your ugly lift-one-eyebrow, very-unhappy because you-are-disrupting-me-doing-business look!

we even encountered some employees who are really blur... especially this girl (chernyao calls her the "anime girl") who seems like she didn't understand what i was trying to get across. all the nodding and the head-shaking of hers...

on the bright side there were also the friendly ones, who kindly directed us to their marketing department and stuff.

err, i also don't really know why we actually went to a manicure/pedicure/WAXing salon to ask for ads. can you ever imagine an ad in your school magazine screaming "Brazilian wax!! only 100 bucks, student price! ;)"??

oh and our other goal was to help chia poh find a black top for ed board photoshoot this sat. well, i was lucky to have my outfit issue already settled, because i'm simply gonna wear what i wore when i played for the christian orchestra ;)

so, not only did we have the ads issue to worry about, we also have to find a black top. mind you, finding a nice, suitable-priced, semi-formal black top isn't easy. chia poh finally found hers at a place i would never have imagined will sell nice black tops.

before we decided we should call it a day, we headed to vincci! (because chia poh and i wanted to buy SHOES) i finally had the mood (cus the last time i was too lazy) to try on this pair of black heels (with pink outline). sadly they only had size 3 and size 7 left (i wondered whether if i had tried them on earlier i would get some bigger size), so i tried size 7. amazingly, my foot slid perfectly into the shoe, but it's still a bit small so i didn't get them :(

i think my feet shrunk by the way, because never before my feet would slide perfectly into the shoes on display, saving me the embarrassment of getting the shoes down to my foot and trying to fit this fat thing into the shoe but failing miserably. i am truly amazed!!!

it's very unlikely my feet would shrink, though, so i am convinced the shops changed their usual shoe display size to bigger ones to cater the needs of the big-foots (sadly, me)!

and guess what. it's already the second week of the hols!! i feel fat (because i haven't been exercising)and lazy (because i haven't been doing tuition homework).

you know, if i sulk like this every single time the long-awaited (or not) holidays loom, i would prefer if there weren't any holidays at all because i won't be in states of depression mixed with guilt all the time...

(then again maybe not laa.)

oh and if i don't achieve my damned goals which i already set the moment after PMR (you know simple things like don't take naps as long as 5 hours which i already failed, but hey i was really tired that sunday, or don't wake up after noon/lunch.) and which were planned to be settled during the dec holidays '07, i don't know when the hell am i gonna start or stop doing things, maybe it'll take forever.

i trust God will make a way.

by the way PS i love you is, unputdownable! (i sound like some critic)

oh check out my really fab bag and paddington house of pancakes breakfast xD (this is random, mind you)

anyway i'm supposed to design a layout for the kristen patrick interview. after my reaaally simple layout that i designed for maulidur rasul (my comforting excuse for the brain drain was: simplicity is chic. actually it kinda is!) and pn aminah commenting on how the colours isn't contrasting but she liked the lines thing i made at the side (fyi the background was totally white, with just shades of green lines at the side...), i really hope my next layout would be awesome, or at least satisfactory. all i need is, inspiration, and a whole lot of photoshop brushes.

anyway i gotta start working on the brushes part. cant wait for tomorrow's outing with the 6L fellas. nites :)

bleh.

2008-06-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

another cliffhanger in ugly betty. what's with the entertainment world these days?!

but then again without those things you won't get so glued to the same series right? bottom line: can't wait for the next season!! :D

ugly betty aside, i am here to share about my horrifying, traumatizing, embarassing experience at the small, bukit kiara gym! basically, the morning started out frustrating cus i misplaced my membership card. (turns out it slid down the backseat and went deeeep down the slots in the backseat. luckily my hands were SLIM enough to reach right into the dusty area to reach the card! -.-) i attended tennis lessons, then i headed to the gym for some fat-burning cardio...

afraid that my mum would call me anytime so pick me up, i placed my lousy-motorola phone on one side of the treadmill, and the towel on the other side. while walking (i didn't dare run on the treadmill... yet), my phone -OMG- dropped! it went to the side of the moving belt and started rolling and tumbling at the side (lucky my SE phone was sent for repair). my immediate reaction was to reach down to pick it up. without realizing i slowed down my footsteps, and -OMG- the belt was still moving at quite high speed, so i just kinda went down with the belt and feel to the ground. at that split second i also placed my right palm on the moving belt... so now there's this deep scratch on my right palm and it kinda hurt :'( my knees were also scratched although my long trackpants wasn't at all damaged, but i saw some pink (the top of my pants, the waist part? is pink) stuff on the treadmill i don't know why my pants is still in good condition...

upon hearing some gasps among some of the older people who were at the gym at that time, all i could do was mutter "swt" under my breath and continued my exercise on the treadmill. i think i did pretty great considering i didn't cry and run off to the bathroom. yay me :)

despite being so desperate to go to a gym than jogging in a park, i think that jogging in a park is better (surprise, surprise). didn't u read CLEO, june 2008? u burn more fats when u jog on the road than on a moving belt x)

i'm so lucky to have gone to sunday morning worship today, after dunno-how-long waking up late and missing church. everything seemed sooo relevant and like, a breath of fresh air considering i've been struggling with self-esteem issues and stuff these few weeks.

i feel, soooo much better :)

maybe God does know what's best for us, after all :)

i've been watching desperate housewives since forever and,

2008-05-27T22:29:00.004+08:00

all i can say is

OMG.

desperate housewives season 4 finale was such a cliff-hanger!!

almost too cliff-hanger-ish for my liking :X

how am i gonna wait till next season :( OH! i've still got gossip girl, ugly betty and heroes to entertain me...

also, i've been thinking of locking my blog so that it is only accessible to invited readers. what d you think??

16 years and counting.

2008-05-24T22:16:00.005+08:00

i feel older. i feel 16, ~~legal to have sex, but i promote abstinence till marriage!~~

okayokay, i admit i've emo-ed a few times about how lousy my birthday's gonna turn out to be... sweet 16's a once in a lifetime thing and i just feel dumb if i don't have flamboyant big parties like those spoilt brats have in MTV's My Super Sweet 16, but anyhow i've learnt that that's not the most important thing! the important thing is i be content with how i spend my birthday at least i'm not trapped under rubbles :(

watched indiana jones today :) early morning i headed to 1U with my dear mum and sis, ate at waffle world and went straight to GSC to catch this long-awaited movie!

thought my dad would tag along but i guess he doesn't like spending money buying a cinema ticket. i honestly don't know. i thought he was a mega indiana jones fan (read: waaaas. or is.), so mega the moment i watch indiana jones (a not too young but still great harrison ford) in action or hear the theme song i think of my also not-too-young dad and the old times my dad used to come home from work and we'll be watching indiana jones (the previous 3 movies) together, and he'll give both my sis and i piggy-back rides. then he had a horse in bukit kiara and he came to love riding. weird, i don't know whether his love for horses was because of the film franchise but who the heck cares :)

harrison ford aside, i think shia labeouf is absolutely H-O-T in the movie. swoon~ totally love the attitude :)

besides, the movie gives an awesome, un-boring highlight on ancient history. it's so cool that i'm learning world history in sejarah tingkatan 4 and also learning about the history of china through this month's national geographic mag (also, anyone wants to watch some history-related movie? it's The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor?) and also watching this movie!

maybe i should become an archaeologist. omg yeah! i think i've found my calling!
*ponders*
on second thought maybe not :X

i also shopped around but amazingly, i didn't buy a single thing. mum haven't bought me pressie yet :( but after boring yf i went home and surprise, mum and sis bought me:

CUPPACAKES :)

~~but they were so expensive i thought i should get a secret recipe cake instead~~

omggg, the sweet-ness and sugar rush of it :)

guess my sweet 16 wasn't as bad as i thought it would be... chern, steph, nic and alethea and zhenghong u guys owe me a movie! muahahaa!

thank you all who gave me birthday wishes and presents :) thankyouthankyouthankyouuu!

*

choir pictures :)

i swear we had the best uniforms.

:) those two at the back should have totally moved to the front!

*

wish me luck for keeping up my fitness regime!

i've only got two weeks ;)

sweet 16 :)

2008-05-24T00:39:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to me! i turn 16 at exactly 8:55 am later :)

for once i will post a happy post :)

congratulations to david cook! both davids should really be successful next time... i'll be waiting for david archuleta's first new single or something x)

we got second place in choir competition :) omgomg i love choir. wheee.

pictures later but i think i'm really sleepy which kinda explains the lack of, erm, stuff. so yeah. goodnight people! :)

i wanna walk on the beach and forget all worries. who's with me?

2008-05-17T20:40:00.003+08:00

myanmar's cyclone and china's recent deadly earthquake... my heart goes out to all the survivors and the ones still trapped under the rubble... have faith and be strong y'all :(

i think China's really great in handling the situation. u go China! some people think the unlucky stuffs that happened in china is because it's a rat year this year, and both the important figures in China has the horse horoscope... it's supposed to b unlucky. i wonder if this explains the bad luck befalling my family, u know the robbery and stuff... hmm. these superstitious stuff freak me out.

the world's going crazy... what with natural disasters and some political disputes in a few countries.

and teacher's day was disastrous.

first the mood and atmosphere was totally destroyed by the exams. of course everyone had a book in his/her hand during the boring reading utusan part... i kinda feel for the teachers. what happened to our usual cheerful teachers day :(

first, the infamous headmistress asked us to stand up and sit down all in about 5 seconds. what is she trying to do? exercise her power? O.O

then she made a racist comment, and tried to cover it. (she thinks we're too dumb to notice ke?)

what with all the racist people in malaysia? taking about unity pulak.

have you read the complaints from competent top students who didn't receive scholarships and question what actually is the criteria for the awarding of scholarships? (i think i read too much of that portion of the Star)

have you also read that the teaching of mathematics and english is asked to switch back to Bahasa Melayu again?

one parent addressed this issue saying the education ministry is fickle-minded and the medium of teaching these two important subjects "shouldn't change according to the whims and fancies of political parties"

maybe i'm too young to be discussing about politics on my BLOG (of all places, i know), but a typical secondary student like me, a typical malaysian will wonder what our nation's going turn out to be especially since the outcome of the election...

speaking about the education system, i think sejarah is bloody hell hard to memorize (sejarah essay killed me), i dread continuing learning sejarah because 2 babs alone can slaughter my millions of brain cells, imagine me learning sejarah islam which is kinda confusing! any sejarah of a religion is confusing one la.

i'm so gonna die for mid term exams. seriously. blame me for being all last-minute and lazy. by the way i'm looking for physics tuition! please help if u have an awesome one! :)

*

i joined sparkteen swimsuit bootcamp two weeks ago, the group members posted that they have seen results and everything, but im still stuck with this, because i have no time to exercise and my hair is curling back and now i have to choose : straight hair or slim figure, because during the hols i only can do two things: exercise like mad or go do my hair again (without the chemicals though) and dont sweat. so what now? :(

i realise im gonna spend my sweet 16 being all lonely. suddenly out of the mood to shop for clothes with my mum (u know why... read my previous posts!), i turned to my close friends and asked them whether they wanna spend the day or something, but no steph is going penang, and suddenly im outta the mood too. what's wrong with me or what's wrong with my life, or even what's wrong with my fate that it has to be this way :(

*

omgomg i missed the days i download desperate housewives weekly. im now downloading 5 episodes at one go! i'm giving up for exams, not gonna study anymore, and im gonna watching desperate housewives :)

*

if anyone serenades me with this song i shall marry him :)

a series of unfortunate events.

2008-05-04T12:24:00.003+08:00

wtf, i got

ROBBED.

yes, the horrible experience happened last monday.

sleeping lazily and emo-ing at the corner of my lovely popo's house because my hair seriously went PUFFY again, mum received a phone call from dad.... &%^*^%$ (insert swear word here) thieves got some of our stuff.

never mind how much money and stuff we've lost, my parents had to bertungkus-lumus get back the important documents. the passports, the birth certs :(

it's hopeless for now. do u really think the kononnya 'pegawai penyiasat' will actually catch the culprit? 'very very hard', they had said.

they didn't find any fingerprints but i bet if i had the tools and all i could find some (they didn't even check the whole house just some places)... do these people watch CSI at all?!

why does God allow so many bad things to happen to me all at one go?

but like mum said, 'this is life', i'll just have to get over it, right? after all life's just like that.

aaand, i didn't get into hari bakat.

yes, alethea did though. pn gan was totally mesmerized by her performance. hey, i had to be such a brat. if i agreed to do the bland piano duet for her i would have maybe gotten in. but anyhow there's still the choir performance to do.

indirectly insulted. sigh. i know my piano piece was an exam piece and i didn't play it well enough and i'm taking the grade 8 exam with that song this year... but i will definitely get a bloody distinction! wow. without your indirect insult (wait... i'm sure u didn't mean it), i wouldn't have gotten so determined. thanks a lot.

but hey, look where i'm heading. i can't even study with all the distractions in my head. i hope the pesky thieves burn in hell.

but before that i would really like my documents back, thankyouverymuch.

Cindy won malaysian dreamgirl.

all i can say (or type) is:

=__=

that pretty much sums it up. the whole show falls below expectations anyway.

the good thing is, my puffy-again hair is straight again (no i did not straighten it again) !!! hairdresser said i have to take good care of my hair and apply some cream stuff because my hair's really erm, prone to puffiness. damnit.

i am THE most unluckiest person in the world :(

ok, maybe not.

take time to realize.

2008-04-23T20:10:00.004+08:00

the news came so suddenly, so depressing.
she cried, she prayed.
so close to what she wanted, but it seem to have come with a price.
she kept on praying
overwhelmed with insecurities.
her prayers were answered.
and she deeply thanks the Lord.

BOOO, my phone was sent for repair and i have to wait ONE MONTH. one freaking month! or longer!

back to using my old motorola phone :(

anyhooo, i got in editorial board :)) i absolutely love being in graphics department. yeah.
sadly the photoshoot day falls on my sweet 16. of all days!

as i was telling alethea or whoever, my perfecttt sweet 16 would be being really slim, hitting the malls (preferably midvalleymegamall), buying size zero or what not small sizes clothes and actually fit perfectly. oh and nottoforget the skinny jeans :)

but what the heck, then i have less than a month to slim down. it's not possible is it. but i'm pretty sure the exams would slim me down in a way. stress-mah.

quick recap of last last week:

- been on a wheelchair, been deaf, been dumb and been blind. part of the social concern thing in YF last last sat :) it really made me realize that i'm truly blessed with limbs, hearing, sight, and all others. never knew sitting on a wheelchair is that hard :(

- okayokay i dont know what to blog about. i usually keep blog reminders things in my phone, but it's faaaar far away from me now so yeah, boo. they might even delete all my stuff if they have to upgrade the software :(

- omg exam. very soon! haven't started studying!

- don't know why, but last last week i really felt like a nobody :( i mean, does the name RachelTan ring any bell in your head? nooo. she's just a nobody. she's not some high-pangkat person in trixxon, she's not someone who's particular good at a subject (u know like how people think of TanJuan when they hear the word Science), she's not sporty, she's not outgoing, ohohoh i know what she is! she's:

nothing.

stupid moral project. screw you! have do re-do you again and what the hell? you are taking up my studying time! :(

sodium totally went out in flames in the chemistry lab! what a memorable moment :)

and david cook totally had the nicest rendition of any phantom of the opera song :)

*

OMG. i...

straightened my hair :)

i finally have long sleek hair cascading down my shoulders. cascading! cas-ca-dinggg! omgomg.

no more:

- asking the question "hey do you think i should straighten my hair" for a thousand times. if stephanie or alethea were to get a penny for everytime i asked that they would be rich.
- hair-emo-ing (a new term i came up with. it means: emo-ing, because of ugly hair.)
- curly unmanageable hair
- tying my hair up in a ponytail 24/7 until my scalp hurts
- being over conscious about my hair
- trying on clothes in fitting rooms and cringing at my hair

it all started when i had the last straw because my fringe wouldn't keep straight one day.

of course having natural sexy curly hair is nice (think, ermm, megan fox hair? is that her name anyway.) but unfortunately my curly hair isn't sexy, so, there i was sitting there yesterday morning, smelling the nostalgic smell of chemicals, thinking of back then during form 2, when i did this on impulse, my hair ended up curly for dunnowhatreason. form 3 came, i was constantly disturbing stephanie with that annoying "should i blabla" question. basically the question was asked more during the coming of holidays. anyways. sitting on the hair for 4 hours, studying OMG sejarah but absorbing nothing at all, distracted by the chic-looking hairdresser who sometimes held the hair straightening iron too close to my scalp and i yelp, i wonder whether my brain/scalp cells were damaged, i cringe also when she holds the iron close to my eye, afraid that my contact lenses will somehow melt and i go blind. also distracted by my OMG dead straight hair, and after putting some hair mask and washing it off, my hair returned to normal. only after that she used the iron again and here comes again the all kinds of foolish phobia, and so my hair isn't all that dead-straight anymore, and i have nice hair, with an all-natured look. some even couldn't tell that i straightened my hair because well ppl who does that have dead straight hair don't they? not mine :) my hair looks natural (as in my hair doesn't look straightened, it just looks like some normal hair, somebody's natural hair that i've always envied!) now but i hope it doesn't curl or get puffy! i spent a big sum of money for this okaaay.

maybe it's human nature not to be content even after you get what you have wanted?

i dunno, but my fringe is... starting. to . curl! it doesn't match my quite straight hair :(

maybe it's the oil+sweat built up lah, that's making it curl. hope so!

and i'm still. fat. F-A-T! do you know i went to ikano today so content at first and saw some really slim women with dead straight hair and my confidence meter suddenly went loooooooooooooooooooow.

but anyway, i know that God doesn't judge people by looks. people shouldn't even judge people based on outer beauty. yeah, looks are not important. totally :)

i don't wear Oreo necklaces because i'm afraid i'll eat them.

2008-04-19T14:42:00.005+08:00

phew. thankGodit'stheweekend!!! this week has been a hell of a roller-coaster ride, what with the ever-piling homework and assignments and proposals (our proposal was a mess at trixxon), some sudden overwhelming news...

i even had to stay back at school everyday the whole week :(, eg:
monday- informal trixxon meeting
tuesday- choir
wednesday- discuss proposal
thursday- scouts/discuss proposal
friday- trixxon meeting/present proposal (we sucked due to lack of preparations n stage fright.)

but ironically the past week ended/started with two fun outings :)

on saturday i went to 1U to watch L change the world with steph, nicole and zhenghong. L was so awesome :) i love L!! he totally makes slouching and plan white long sleeve Tees hot.

do you know L eats a lot of sugary stuff because sugar is needed for the brain to work :) how i wish he's not just fictional :(

on a sugary stuff related note :) me, yuen, steph and erin went to mid valley/the gardens to celebrate yuen's birthday early after church on sunday, 13 april 2008!! we ate:

baskin robbins ice cream fondue!!! only available at cafe BR at the gardens i guess. omg yum!

happy sweet 16 yuenie! :)

by the way i totally think the so-called moral education is a total waste of time. come on, how does memorizing 36 moral values and their definitions (mind you, we students have to write out word for word, the definitions, if not we won't get marks...) help in being one of moral values? gosh.

the other day me steph n chernyao were joggingaround the school during PJK period, then we passed by none other than the PUAN PENGETUA herself. she was ushering a malay guy and malay woman (they look like some big shot) and guess what, totally ignored us. we still shiver in fear of what the pengetua would say tomorrow at perhimpunan LOL or whether she would say anything hope not x.X

think something like:
"hari tu. saya ternampak 3 orang pelajar. sedang berjoging! saya nak tanya, kenapa tak ada guru supervise??"

-_-

the other day she said (and once again succeeded to annoy the students):
"not only BM and english we have to learn, we also have to learn one other language. this language is getting really important in the world. this language is... ARAB. it's important to learn because arab is the language to heaven."

okaaay. she needs to know that not all of us are Muslims.

cues for memorable quote by a friend:
"are they like, trying to convert us or something?? *points at sejarah textbook.*"

i think i get her point.

anyhoo, it's getting really late and i have ed board assignments to finish :((( someone save me from this really really hard-to-live life.

and no, it's not just about homework nor assignments.

part 2 of what i wanted to post today will be up soon :) till then!

2008-04-11T22:47:00.002+08:00

i know, i know i'm really lazy to improve my blog skin...

aand metaxxon sounds horrible, sorry if u liked it :X

shout to the Lord!! i cant believe i missed Idol Gives Back :(

btw what do you think of this? :) i might play it for malam ba- oh wait, sorry, it's HARI bakat.

spending money on stupid fountains and what not, and she refuses to subsidize our biology photostated stuff. now the class is questioning why they had to pay RM5 before and then RM3 now... i think i'm the busiest class ajk :( collecting money, photostating stuff, carrying stacks n stacks of paper to school...

ups: i jogged today :)
downs: i pigged out during dinner, i looked hideous after PE class, drenched-in-sweat fringe and all (yunwei: eh rachel, it rained just now ah?........ me: wth man T.T)

2008-03-31T23:18:00.009+08:00

bloody hell. i have this annoying habit of accumulating blog posts and post them at one shot. annoying isn't it? well that's just rachel x(

remember the OneLife exhibition?? yes, i actually went! the exhibition totally impacted me in a way (not taking the fact that that was my first time shopping at midvalley into account though), and they put it just right: OneLife, live it right.

i mean who are we to complain when we are, in fact, mercifully bestowed with such blessings in everyday life? compared to those living with the HIV disease and everything...

the exhibition was full of impact in a way, and it is like no other! why? simply because the exhibition totally invites the participants to step into the shoes of the children living with HIV/child prostitution!

the funniest thing was, my dear sister entered the WRONG ROOMs, and "witnessed" the wrong story...

the most touching thing was, when everyone met at the "hospital like" area, and a nurse marks your hand, well, depending on which story you got, whether you have HIV or not. in my story, the character, John, had HIV, so i got a + mark on my hand. it was really saddening :'(

wonder how they felt when they were told to be HIV positive.

then we proceeded to the room of reflection, but i dare say that it wasn't much of a reflection for me (although it had a dark eerie mood with pictures of people with + marks on them plastered everywhere) because, frankly, how much can u "reflect" when someone is a few seconds behind you?

then there's a simple-yet-meaningful bracelet for participants to bring home as a reminder of what we've experienced that day. and i posted something on the "wall of hope" :), a note to the children living with HIV.

well i even saw richard, gadiy, and zoe there... even my chinese tuition teacher! rock on you people! support and help the kids~

so i went wandering off to the NAPEI educational fair area, and to my surprise spotted a doctorjob booth!! so there i was, buying the mag! hey i wanted to buy that mag for a very long time now! excited i was! haarhar.

do i even look like a pelajar lepasan SPM or something? hahaa.

rachel tan: spotted! wandering around the colleges' booths, picking up endless kinds of leaflets about college!

i don't know why, but recently i have been worrying about, you know, the frightening thing called the future? (think HSM2) i really don't know what i plan to do after SPM. i really don't!

well, i might not even LIVE till adulthood anyway! blame me for being pessimist but who knows? i might just get run over by a car the next morning! ... maybe it's just my care-free dont-think-about-the-future attitude... i mean what's the point of worrying about what u're gonna do next while u don't even know for sure u're gonna live that long to become a specialized doctor or something? ah, well.

and mum's been annoyed by my many many many questions. about college and the future. hahahah. but seriously? while my peers are already busy deciding which college to go to and what to study, i m still clueless about how "college" and "after SPM" stuff works. gawsh.

but hey, this is why magazines like doctorjob are published, right?
*rushes off to read doctorjob

+++

i still feel guilty for oversleeping the other day on Easter! of all days! sighhh... yup. i missed sunday morning worship easter special whatever at church. i dont think my absense is taken note of, anyway.

i feel like i don't even belong in church anymore. it's like they have their own huge clique to hang out with, but i do not. what's happening nowadays?

+++

these few weeks i've been eating,

cuppacakes :)

eating,

cupcake chic :)

and eating!

big apple donuts :)

satisfying my sweet tooth is actually more costly than i thought it would be :(

+++

SPORTS DAY! :)))

for one thing, i cant believe green house got THIRD. haha. beat that you people who have always insulted green house! BEAT THAT!

karma's a bitch.

seriously. a yellow house dude sarcastically and annoyingly insulted green house right in front of me once, and look who's laughing now?

but yellow house wasn't that bad, i guess :)

sports day 2008 was really, small, dont you think? smaller than usual. everyone had to CROWD around to see the cheerleaders in action. who's great idea to have sports day when the padang's all flooded anyway?

green house deco was AWESOME! i still wonder whether it's our fault for not helping out in deco, or is it their fault that they didn't even inform us when to meet etc, although we've signed up. either way, the deco was nice and i really wish i helped.

doesn't the first picture look, erm, suicidal? haha.

excuse the lack of pictures. my phone's camera' gone whack.

+++

had the proxxon interview today, also had ed board meeting today, also had tennis club today. i know, like whatthehell right?

first i was rushing like hell with a few other friends who were all set for the interview for proxxon (it's a young entrepreneur company!) and who were also suppsoed to attend ed board meeting.

i miss 15 minutes of ed board meeting cuz i had to go home late, and i think that everyone in graphics department got their assignments except me :( all because i missed 15 minutes of discussion! bloody hell. and what's that with the every monday 2-3.30pm meeting? it's clashing with my tennis club!!! pffft.

sometimes i think the tennis club coach is better than my personal coach. i pay the private coach guy rm70 per hour and all he does is throw tennis balls at me and expect me to hit them back. i sometimes suck, and he doesn't correct me or something, he just says these mere words: "ok. practice more." doing the same thing again and again for like, 2 months (or less) already. when can i learn some like, swings? i hope he knows what he's doing...

and check out this new bag i bought! be totally envious :)

of simplicity and emo-free things x)

2008-03-30T22:11:00.003+08:00

well! what do you think?

(of the new blog look of course!)

yup, it was a happy day when i accessed my blog and my "emo girl" blog skin flashed before my eyes. "emo much???" i muttered, and then etched in my brain was the 468795th thing on my mental to-do list:

change blog skin.

so here i am! starting afresh maybe? the change doesn't really symbolize anything anyway. but hopefully my emo self, like my emo blog skin, would be of the past :)

my blog skin's not really complete though! i might complete it tomorrow :) and some blogging about the past few weeks :) till then....

2008-03-15T23:15:00.006+08:00

oh the both the joy and sadness of dropping EST :))

u guessed it! i'm finally in the mood for venturing back into the blogging world :) celebrate with me!

before getting into thaaat, check what i found:

wow. i was a cheerleader back then when i was in kindergarten! who would've known x) spot me :)

anyway, Chinese New Year this year round was awesome. i was socializing a tad bit more with my cousins, i enjoyed myself (especially when collecting ang-pows, including a big fat one from my uncle as a reward for my PMR straight As! now thats what im talkin about.), and everything else. will not go into details because i'm lazy and also because it is already like, what, one month. lol. ooooh, and i also got to see mahathir at my uncle's open house :)

ohoh have i ever mentioned i finally went to the gynecologist? i don't recall x( but anyway i had my blood tested for hormonal imbalance and rest assured, my hormones are fine :) also im a tad bit hairier than my fellow girlfriends :(

i know my english kinda suck and thus making my blog posts boring, not ever humorous, nor informative... at least i completed my 1000 word essay for BRATS. hah. i feel content. oh and i also finished sophie kinsella's or how her name's spelt new book today! it's called REMEMBER ME?... i suggest u go read it because i love it ohsomuch mainly because i feel i can relate to it. or at least it gives me inspiration to achieve my goals and everything -mainly the goal of being able to fit in skinnyskinny jeans- so yeah. it's unputdownable! (i sound like some critic dont i)

~~i hardly believe anyone reads my blog anyway.~~

CNY cum valentines day party at church. it went well although i'm not a fan of steamboat food and the like... but it was nice x)

oh and this was u-cant-be-in-choir-and-marching-at-the-same-time-says-pn-zubaidah-or-whoever, and everybody-was-hectic-despite-some-unfinished-syllabus-and-next-week-is-exam day.

oh and ass-kissing day too:

collecting my reward from the datin! i am proud for getting straight As ^^

hey, i was disappointed because i couldn't march okay. once in a blue moon i decide to march for scouts and some joker has to complain and say oh, choir members who are performing cannot march. except for the guys who can change quickly. where's the rationale in that?!

as u can see i haven't got over fuming over it yet. I-WANT-TO-MARCH!

oh and pibg meeting? there was a total dispute going on. about what? i don't really bother but i know who's causing all this trouble x(

ohhohhh i have a newfound ambition: to be an accountant!

i was really fascinated when the accounts tuition teacher introduced accounts to us, and she went:
"do u know?? once u get the qualification u can work anywhere!!! if u are not money-minded maybe u would like to travel around the world? u can work 3 years in aus, 3 years in UK, and move around with the qualification! China's demands for accountants very high now u knoww??? can earn alot of money!"

something memorable in the past month was that i went to this orchestra performance by the malaysian philharmonic orchestra... they had a wonderful talented violinist named feng ning and he totally rocked! he played the violin in an expressive vigorous way but the thing is heknows what he's doing! pictures a kid simply jerking at his violin with his bow but producing some really nice melodies. surreal!
and the other half was dedicated to an orchestral piece named The Planets. It was totally breath-taking and mesmerizing to watch it live and u should go check it out on Youtube :) just search The Planets by Holst and u will find some parts like "mars, the bringer of war" i totally loved. go search! :)

maybe i should become a vet when i grow up. i have this fond for animals and i recently got to help out at PAWS, part of my sivik project. i tell you, bathing and walking that cute dog, cleaning the huge cat cage with cats surrounding u and all... it was a great experience :) i want to buy that dog i bathed!!! x(

i love horses too :) oh and thats my dad :)

i am currently watching Malaysian Dreamgirl. frankly speaking i am not amused! sadly to say half of the time i don't know what i'm watching :X there's like a few parts where they showed some girls talking to someone on a phone in loudspeaker mode and they start sobbing -ohthedrama- and i dont even know whats going on >< style="font-weight: bold;">ipanema gisele bundchen shoes! i just bought one, because i simply wanted new slippers. the slippers i've been wearing before r really slippery okay. glad im free from the burden of walking cautiously everytime on slippery floors :) thanks stephanie for telling me where to buy them :)

and i totally worship led last saturday!!! i picked this conversation-between-Jesus-and-satan passage that really struck a chord in me as i read it the first time in an email. i hope my worship session had an impact on some yf-ers!!! the experience was nerve-wrecking though. very freaky.
i can never ever worship like sam chew, wh was my 'mentor' that day. she's so cheerful n confident... worshiping God!!! whereas im like so self conscious in front of that crowd... sigh i really have a lot to learn.

on a school related note, im totally dreading physics results! totally stressing out because i knew i didn't do well in physics. like, all the other test papers have been given out except for physics!!!

did u know i forgot to bring my calculator on chemistry exam day and ADD MATH exam day?? on the chemistry exam day my mum brought me the calculator, and on the dreaded add math exam day (i mean how the hell could u do add math without a bloody calculator) i was lucky my sister brought a calculator. the calculator she chucked into her bag turned out to be MINE. but anyway, she didn't need her calculator for her easy-as-peas-or-beans form 1 mathematics!

example of kiasu conversation in matahari
zheng hong and sheng yang: rachel yr average is like maybe top 2 in the class lah.

rachel: but im sure my physics will pull me down :(

zheng hong and sheng yang: (hestitated for a nanosecond, then said GOOD, or YAY. something insulting lah.)

gosh! the kiasu-ness.

i got 98% for addmath!! i totally deserve to brag about it i worked hard okay! anyway im sad i didnt get 100% like melodi did. u know where i got the 2 marks deducted?? here:
(roughy like that lar)

(long long maths calculations)
= 35+10x+7

then i left it just there!!! wth! 2 marks gone :(
anyway rachel should be content. so be content! *knocks own head

and im totally happy i got highest in class for CHINESE! haha u people look down on me-lah. thinking the fellow person with the surname Tan who got A won't be me. u know who u are! xP

quote Chiun wei: omg i totally left u out, rachelTAN. forgot u are a Tan.

oh well :)

BY THE WAY, who would have known slimming down was such a hard thing to do! quote PE teacher when she was explaining to us how to slim down (i guess chernyao started it):

"kaumesti exercise at least 45 minit baru boleh burn fat, tau? mesti non stop!"

wow. i will never look at those people who have skinny thighs the same again.

oh, how's my slimming down regimen going, you ask? so far, i think i haven't really burnt any fat off my flabby thighs. damn, my thighs could fill a chair once i sit down okay (quote erin). im feeling helpless, ugly, fat as usual. and you know what? going online doesn't help. it rubs it in more when u see fellow schoolmates having the time of their lives living lives that look much fulfilling compared to my fat lazy life. in fact i don't really like coming online nowadays because i simply dont have much to do except staring at skinny models in online ads or seeing friends posting abs-baring-pictures online and lookin great. ohtheenvy.

besides. i prefer doing situps or some crap homework than sitting in front of the comp unless im watching some awesome CSI season 8 episode :)

racheltan shall be content. she is, quite, now :)
(especially after buying the ipanema flip flops and an awesome skirt from Seed!!)

of love letters and cookies

2008-02-14T23:25:00.002+08:00

heeey happy valentines day to everybody, taken and single. whoever said singles couldn't celebrate valentines?

it was a lot of PDA (public display of affection) today. and btw the cookies was sooo disappointing :(

as u can see my blog posts r getting shorter and shorter... this has a simple reason to it: B-U-S-Y. doing what, u ask? well i don't think i have to elaborate on this x.X

pictures soon though :) aaand happy valentines day again (happy single awareness day too xD)

2008-02-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

going for the waste time stadium shah alam ceremony for the 200 bucks, meeting mum's colleague's sons/daughters and students, meeting primary school friends!, being awkward, starting the CNY holidays, too-much-for-me-to-handle resolutions, fattening cupcakes and donuts, meeting relatives, relatives commenting on how skinny i am (i am?!), collecting money xD, walking up a hill in bukit kiara with dad and his horse, smelling horse poo, listening to the peaceful rhythmic tapping of the horse shoe against the floor, dad saying im too skinny, jogging/walking in kiara park, stupid homework piling up, baking carrot cake, racking my brains thinking through physics and chemistry n wondering why i shouldn't get a tutor...

that pretty much sums up my one whole week. pictures later :))

2008-02-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

jiani's farewell party was fun :) oh first the night went like this:

i kelam-kabut headed to church, thinking that there was sunday morning worship practice n i should put God first blabla, and thinking that i was late, i went through all the traffic jams n finally reached the church! to my surprise, NO-ONe was there. so i thought i'd wait a little. n then the worship leader for the week and the other violinist came, and quote him: "oh, gregory (worship leader) specially asked for me to play, and i don't know what's happening..." meaning to say i'm not supposed to be there. then worship leader asked "oh, did benny contact u, about the practice?" i was like: "nooo, but i thought i was playing this sunday and i sms-ed juen nin n she said practice was tonight?" n then i found out that i am NOT playing this sunday, so i had to go all the way home.

the only one who had to take the blame was ME, for being so bloody blur and dumb. one thing's for sure, i'm not going this sunday morning x(

anyway then i headed back home, to jiani's farewell party!!! it was fun la, throwing ppl into pools, setting fireworks n the sort, 'cabut'-ing after one really loud 'baaaam!'

at one point we went to the area we decided to play the fireworks at, and saw two policemen on motorbikes, then they left. suspicious much. mind you, it was around 11pm or 10pm at the time. ohwell. not that i bother about it.

anyway merentas desa was well, tiring :( aaand, i didn't even get top 20. maybe i was top 25 but it's even more heartbreaking to know that if ran harder i would b top 20?! i don't know... and patricia got 2nd of kelas 1 perempuan!! i mean, i've seen her at kiara park quite a few times n it made me wonder if i DID keep my holiday resolutions and went jogging at kiara park, would it improve my stamina n my running performances :(

how i wish there's another merentas desa thing next year but it's unlikely... ohwell.

HAPPY 200TH POST maaan..

2008-01-31T21:50:00.000+08:00

wow. 200th post. superb.

remember how i constantly complain about my hair loss and other health problems yadayada, and how my mum delays bringing me to the doctor? well, on tuesday i finally went to see a gynecologist in the damansara specialist centre(who was also an obstetrician, i later found out. think, rachel and her mum in a waiting room filled with pregnant women. freaky much?!). so, after telling her ALL my symptoms, she came up with this:

"i think it's the stress that's causing all thiiis"

stress? am i that much of a stressed person here? i don't know =S

but she took my blood to check for the hormone levels just to be sure. so now, because i flinched when the needle poked in my veins (i dont even know why i was extra scared that time, since i took blood tests quite a lot of times in the past... maybe it's because this time they took my blood in a scary looking laboratory room), i have this weird red bruise thing near my vein. aaah freaky much?!

anywayyy, when after days of constantly complaining about how life sucks (to myself), i got cheered up after finding out my dad wants to send me overseas... he even asked me to learn french, like he what hes doing right now, it'll b useful in the future :) proof that my parents actually care :)

jiani's farewell party is on friday night. chinese tuition is on friday night. sunday morning worship practice also on friday night. guess i'll settle for the practicing. oh and did i mention that i'm worship leading in march? really freaky! but i know what God expects of me, and wants me to do. yup.

and tomorrow's merentas desa!!! u fellow runners who promised to run/or jog with me will expect me mumbling endlessly about burning fats. yup. expect it!!

aaand, omg sweeney todd :) too bad its 18 PL BUT i've got my hands on the dvd... harhar. anyone care to join me in front of the living room tv watching sweeney todd in the dark :) like a cinema! dont u get the point??

What Rachel Tan Means

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.

You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.

You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.

You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.

You have the classic "Type A" personality.

You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily.

You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind.

A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.

Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.

Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.

You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.

At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.

You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.

Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.

You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.

You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.

You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.

You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

quite true, except the ""You get along with almost everyone." and "You're most comfortable when you're far away from home." bit. xP

You've Been Bit By the Shopping Bug!

You're constantly adding to your wardrobe - and it shows

However, you can show some restraint. You love good deals.

Your love of the clearance rack has paid off...

You probably have only maxed out card or two, if at all!

Do You Shop More Than Most Women?

really true!

You Should Get A Butterfly Tattoo

Sweet and sassy

For you, tattoos are a thing of beauty - not toughness

What Tattoo Should You Get?

aaand i've been thinking of getting a tattoo recently once i've turn 18. if i am going for it, it would either be on my ankle or shoulders. xD

of short bangs and bad pengetuas =.=

2008-01-18T22:47:00.000+08:00

life is pretty dull recently. some mood swings kick in and life officially 'sucks'.

worse still after a terrible twist of fate or whatever nasty (lol), the day i decided to spend whole day on my moral tugasan's i went to cut hair instead, requesting for a below-the-eyebrows bangs cut, but now i ended up with a above-the-eyebrows cut and it looks HORRIBLE. :(( why does God do this to me sometimes :( my fringe feels like during form 2 when i cut it tooooo short. :(( there goes my long-holiday-cultivated bit of a confidence :((

(maybe the word cultivated isn't too appriopriate but you do get what i'm saying don't you??)

sigh... to: (haha)

1. the pengetua everyone complains about. giving us ohsomuch publicity!! how can she: ban us from wearing shorts during pjk, cancel blitzers, ban the drums for lion dance, suddenly inserts muslim morning prayer sessions and mutter phrases non-muslims dont understand (but tolerate-able, thats what malaysians do, right. kononnya lar, for some self-centered ppl. and im not hinting anything here o.O), cancel MALAY BAKAT (as far as i've heard... cancel malam bakat the year i joined choir, the year i've decided to at least play the piano or something!! why does God do this to meeee...), yadayadayada. why cant we malaysians live in harmony :( tsktsk. school suddenly feels like a harry potter movie. you know, the latest one??

2. the chemistry teacher. i'm still thinking whether or not to take chemistry tuition. you know my chemistry teacher just reads directly from the text book, and tries dodging tan-juan-type questions, as far as i know! sighhh..

3. school, school work, and tuition work and wacky friends who go for tuitions every single day/solve add maths problem real quick and sadly have to b annoyed by me asking stupid careless questions xP. i dont even have time to exercise what not, and thinking of what i said i wanted to achieve this year?? sighh...

4. my decision to change my third piece of my grade 8 piano pieces. i mean the newer piece is hard but it's definitely nicer :) im quite proud of this decision actually, but just sighhh when i have to practice piano :((

2008-01-05T20:22:00.000+08:00

really kiasu people wif 5-7 tuitions per week are stressing me out :(

and 4 matahari is also reaally stressing me out :(

imagine me tidying up my piles and more piles of PMR books... i used like, 3 huge boxes okay >.< it's still kinda weird to think that i'm a form 4-er now... imagine how hard SPM can be! :( glad i bought reference books today, to keep up with the u know, kiasu, people in class. no time for fun, sleep or maybe even exercising tsktsk... what a bad time to make those huuge resolutions. as if i have the time! sigh.

2008!!

2008-01-01T20:00:00.000+08:00

betcha think that i would stay up late online just to wish everyone happy new year? haha. instead i went to 1U countdown n after that returned home, proceeded with my pretty note book project, and of course, my new year resolutions.

i'll probably finish my pretty notebook today... xD oh the idea/design is from seventeen magazine singapore btw, dont sue me for plagiarism :(

oh and who would forget 31 december is baskin robbins 31% off day! x)

1U countdown was, aggressive, one way to put it. we were being pushed around and my annoyed mum was also pushing ppl who pushed her. it was crazy. and stupid lousy ppl who sprayed the toxic stuff onto complete strangers. hey, im sorry but it's not my way of celebrating the new year, getting the disgusting stuff on me.

ate at paddington house of pancakes for breakfast this morning. this dish is called treasure box! :) and it's yummy n healthy. with fruits.

oh and i also went shopping today! the (supposedly) trip to mid valley has been replaced with a trip to the curve all because we woke up a tad bit late and mum was one who wouldn't go mid valley as long as it's later than 10am. being early to shopping centres is always the best thing, u could snag pretty cool parking places n have breakfast there :) heed this advice x)

following my decision to shop till i drop with the 'prize money' i got from my really generous dad (!), i only bought a MNG peach coloured spaghetti strap top. SAD. (n i also bought a book n hairstyling products like, hahaha) okayokay im going 1U tomorrow and im gonna hit the forever21/topshop/wh area. shop till i drop!!!

sis extracted her 2 teeth yeserday, anyway, for braces. she screamed n cried. it was scary. i felt relieved that i already went through this but i didnt cry that time though. and i checked the 2008 class list today n found out i was in 4 matahari... i mean 4 matahari u know?! first (pure science) class. how would i survive :( not much friends there. but come to think of it i dont have much friends, do i? steph is in 4 teratai :( SOB. promise me u wont let this different class thing get involved (in a bad way) in our friendship, maaan. sigh..

anyway happy new year u people :) it has always been nice knowing u could start a whole new year soon, isn't it?

and to think this year i:
-PROCRASTINATED. A LOT.
-but still scored straight 8s whee :)
-but didn't manage to slim down as much as i thought i would. (blame it on my weird optimistic thoughts that i will be healthy thin by the time school starts)
-WENT CAVING! (this was worth mentioning)
-studied till my head almost burst
-filled myself with ultra negative thoughts
-have not loved myself, in other words, hated being me, countless times.
-slacked doing something just because i love the softness of my pillow n went to sleep, countless times.
-WAS BAPTIZED. but still feel that i haven't lived my life to please God :(

but luckily i prayed for a fresh start. that's what the new year does, right? give new hope :) so i share my resolutions in hope this will add on to my erm, determination to complete each and every one of these goals (it doesn't take a rocket-scientist to figure out that i havent completed my 2007 new year resolutions. sigh...):

-be a good christian
-study hard
-exercise hard (lol)
-shop hard (lol too)
-be more outgoing (because i just dont wanna b sitting in a lonely corner anymore, thus reminds me of this name sorta thing i go with, 'lonelyteddiebear' LOL.)
-be good in school (u know, like get kokurikulum marks n all xD)
-be great in music (u know like, piano n violin woots)
-live a healthy lifestyle (physically, mentally, n emotionally. wait i cant quite get it right but u know what i mean..)
-pursue my wildest dreams n never utter this word, 'impossible'

the last one sounded very movie-drama-like. off to eat baskin robbins ice cream with chocolate chip added on top and maybe i'll find some cool stuff to add in the ice cream so yea, happy new year :)

ohthejoy

2007-12-27T17:40:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!!! STRAIGHT As!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i thank God, myself, my studying schedules, my kia-su friends who pressured me to study, my teachers n tuition teachers!!! omgomgomg.

heaps of people got straight As. i guess this year they weren't strict, huh :) considering my lousy karangan can get me an A in BM also!!

omgomg im reaaally glad i got 8As!!! my i-want-to-sleep-but-i-have-to-study days paid off!! bear with me for a while i assure u the bragging will stop someday. somedaaaaay. and to think i've always imagined how happy i will b after achieving this but i m less happy than i thought i would be now harhar. wonder why. yesterday night was no beauty sleep for me, sadly, worrying about this and that... lol. and i was wondering again whether i should change school? looking at the goods n bads of this im really torn between two :(

congrats all of u out there who shares the same joy as me :)

-eating at paddingtons house of pancakes (or whatever) is really costly.
-the golden compass is a really, erm, boring movie ><
-mango sensation smoothie is really yummy n healthy!!!

btw i totally forgot to thank those who gave me christmas presents :) hope u'll enjoy the candy canes! harhar. it's edible!!! (swt to mum always saying i stole her candy cane idea... im original kay ><)

ohohoh thought i'd share my current addiction: drinking low-fat milk before sleeping! it helps u lose fat okay. so go! and drink! and sleep :) tata.

2007-12-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

ahahaha :) found this ages ago but stumbled upon it yet again xD it never fails to make me laugh...

2007-12-25T23:41:00.000+08:00

christmas service was today! i did learn a lot of stuff when the speaker was sharing... well this morning i was really depressed... had some arguments wif my mum n i m bringing her to christmas service so it was nerve-wrecking for me this morning, and in the midst of some events upon entering the church building that -i felt- r too much for me to handle, so i slipped away n went to sit wif yuenie n erin at the front. im glad i calmed down because that was the right thing to do i guess! and to think before that i was complaining to God, asking stuff like why me?, and why not me? and now im celebrating christmas and ultimately the birth of jesus christ? everytime i'm overwhelmed wif these negative sinning thoughts i really have huge doubts... but at a very informative sermon-like talk today at this service, it reaaally made me calm down, n frankly i felt God today. it was amazing. God for us, God with us, God in us. Merry Christmas :)

PS: why is almost everyone i m chatting wif right now showing off what they did today for Christmas??? okay i get that i missed someone's party, and some great fun, i get that my typical christmas every year is not as exciting as most of u party-peoples, and i even slept in the late afternoon x.X but what the hell??

2007-12-23T15:25:00.000+08:00

i get lazier by the day to pack the stuff i bought from singapore, and not to mention, complete my holiday-to-dolist, and of course, blog about singapore x( my once "long" post in my brain wanting to b posted is now already... only half its length left in my brain. not as enthusiastic as last time to blog about singapore, anyway x.X

sat a 7 hour train ride to singapore n on the way i,

saw gemas train station! u know the gemas we always study in geografi :)

stopped at johor bahru... closer to singapore!

saw the selat waddoyacallit... this picture was taken in the train xD then we went to woodlands place to check our passports n stuff. the place was pretty n had really good security i guess.

stepped out of tanjong pagar station n saw singapore after 3 years of not seeing it! wooow. singapore's really different. it took time for the thought of being in another totally different country to sink in my brain. and it did! i was overwhelmed xD

saw my cousins' racks n racks of books.

n sis n i were amused by this comfortable spinning chair n we started to play wif it. lol. pictures n movie clips will not b posted due to the embarrassment caused or whatever xD

day 1 ended pretty fast as we were all tired n getting ready for bed once we reached my cousins' house.. their family kindly allowed us to stay there during our trip to singapore :)

day 2: we went SHOPPING! on orchard road... the shopping complexes were not as big as 1U but there were heaps all side by side each other on that road maaan. everybody was like walking everywhere xD

so prettyyy...

blue taxi!

robinsons...

the tiny escalator in some shopping complex

a giant starbucks coffee but i realised it's a donation box n i donated 2 bucks singapore dollars :)

loooong escalator!!!

seventeen mag singapore :)

day 3: went science centre for a little while wif the other 3 little cousins whos also staying in singapore... then we went shopping again xD

btw this book kept me company when me, my sis n my cousins were quiet n shy lol! n didnt talk or anything... unlike last time when we played wif swords n stuff n warcraft :( so i read this!!! i've always wanted to learn about the 1st n 2nd world war :) muahahahah

albert einstein climbing the rope in singapore science centre!! this is the one thing i remembered about three years ago when i went for the 1st time :)

even their toilets r fancy

wanted to go vivocity but was really crowded, so we went to another shopping complex n i saw this: sounds sick much

my sis n i were slaving over this yummy drink! choc mint frappe from mccafe!! we dont have mccafe in the mcdonalds in m'sia though x(

the next day i went home :( had to bid goodbye to singapore! and i really felt like a dumbo there.. my cousin, whos same age as me, he has already learned the stuff im gonna learn next year, u know the add maths n biology n science stuff :( well i m sure im going there to visit again.. i havent shopped enough :) (n i have my mum constantly reminding me that : i came to singapore not to shop! i came to visit my cousins...)

anyway caroling was yesterday... it was funnn. xD

2007-12-21T21:20:00.000+08:00

BACK FROM SINGAPORE after meeting cousins and shopping at orchard road until our legs got really tired!!! and to think that all my friends forget about me when i went away :'( i had to get the PMR results release date from my mum. my mum's colleague actually.

too tired to blog or publish pictures... well i have heaps of pictures n it will take long to upload only half of them la i guess xD... hey give someone a camera phone he/she have always wanted, put he/she in another country or whatever, n u get a lot of photos kay. the blame's on my camera :)

feeling ugly, tired, stressed (i havent done my christmas shopping), yet a bit excited, signing off :)

2007-12-16T22:32:00.000+08:00

gaah im feeling so emo these days.. i feel ugly n browsing through people's friendster profiles wif their camwhoring pictures doesn't help? O.O

today was a long day... it started with sunday morning worship, then we had to stay for caroling practice at 2.30pm... the worst part was during the instrumental item practice... i took the longest to be "private coach-ed" and omg was it embarrassing! the guy had to adjust my fingers n posture like i'm some kind of beginner :( n because of that i was moody whole day i was feeling very foolish, thinking of when i used to be so excited for the orchestra thing n this caroling thing n my excitement n hope kinda backfired? i dunno why the hell i suddenly feel so bloody disappointed in myself... following the thought that i cant do anything properly :( i say i'll b good at violin n end up being dumb n stupid n getting embarrassed playing out of tune, i say i'll exercise so much n b so freaking slim by christmas but i ended up pigging around... disappointed! :( n emo.. ohmygoodness maaaaaaaan. i just wna tuck in n sleep all the disturbing thoughts away :( i prayed, i slept, i sobbed in the blurness and the unconsciousness or was it when i was half-awake?... sniff.

performed at the curve just now :) it was okay lar hahahaha... pictures :)

blocked by some guy's violin :(

it is proven today that cameras hate me. or at least the mirrors i look into don't display yr true looks. u know like when u look in a mirror n see yr suddenly-slim figure then u look at another mirror n u look suddenly-pudgy. that sorta thing. makes u wonder how u really look like in other people's eyes huh.

at the ikea side, thats where my dad actually found a car park space lol.

come to think of it i think the best thing to do is to own up to reality. n just bluntly admit that u won't be the person u want to be no matter how hard u try n pray. or maybe u haven't tried yr best or just maybe God doesn't want u to be what u wanna be. ohtheheartache n the confusion n the doubts n the PMS-frustration x.X

2007-12-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

following the sudden decision to head to singapore for holidays n to meet up with relatives, i had to cancel everything on the 20th, which includes my piano n violin lessons, tennis lesson and the sunway pyramid 6L reunion...

can u imagine that im going to the curve tomorrow night for a rehearsal... not the proper one but a rehearsal, just that everyone will come n see. oh crap x.X

isn't the place too small for the orchestra to fit? r we gonna play in the weird house x)

erm. i guess not. harhar

oooohs i've been tagged by chernyao but im too lazy to do it. so, i'll just, erm, procrastinate. after all it's the best thing i'm at :)

the SE k810i-ness xD

2007-12-13T21:55:00.001+08:00

after the one hour under-the-sun tiring tennis lesson, i had a chance to go catch the movie 'enchanted' with steph and chernyao. besides steph wanting to camwhore wif my phone, i wanted to take pictures of other random stuff x)

we were too bored waiting for steph to come out from the toilet so i took this. chernyao's idea x.X

i wanted to hug the soldier pillar but i guess i'll look ugly doing that so i changed into this boring pose instead.

taking a picture with a 'soldier', as far as i remembered i have seen the real ones be4 in paris or london so, yea. xD

our hard-to-finish juice

and also some other pictures i took yesterday/since i got my phone!!

1 U christmas decorat

aaaaah he's playing wif a king cobra!!!

does this look familiar to you xD

can u imagine my maid managed to get my shoes so white??? it was totally brown before this! she does have a thing cleaning shoes man. n socks. my socks look brand new right now (okay maybe this is a tad bit exaggerating)

oh and check my tennis racquet out :) in the pic is also my new pink fila water bottle :) oh and not forgetting my sister's butt.

isn't this handphone pouch nice? the pic's the lower part. the upper part of the pouch is in a nice shade of deep pink x)

my mum's new samsung ultra slim whatever phone!! dont u think it looks great xD

omgomg i got my certificates. it's about time!

and this says: intermediate level in music performances first concert certificate solo piano. the one i took last year! yay :) does this mean im qualified to perform on stage?? well i guess not.

this happens when the boredom sinks in during yr ride to music class. u snap pictures of yr grade 8 exam pieces book n pencil box. lol.

PS: to all u SE people out there please be kind enough to send me some themes... sniff.

2007-12-12T00:07:00.000+08:00

i cant stand it anymore im not supposed to say this but:

O.M.G. I GOT A FREAKING K810I!!!!

who knew an innocent i-want-to-eat-sushi-king-because-i-was-craving-for-it-during-camp trip to ikano would score me a phone?!?! cyber shot phone!!!! aaaaaaah!!!!!!! the pictures wasnt perfectly clear but well i m content :) i really need to thank God for this!! xD

now i've got three valuables (as far as i can tihnk of) first is my violin, then my nike shoes (which is still brown in colour sadly), then this blardy nice phone!!! aaaaaaaaaaah!

youth camp 07 whatsthepoint?

2007-12-11T15:31:00.000+08:00

yup. the theme for this year's youth camp is... what's the point?? or that's not the point. either one, it's still the same lar xD well it was meaning that despite having fun n all the what exactly is the point? the point is our walk with God n God's people :)

frankly speaking at first i was quite lazy to go to camp la. after being too over-excited about it lol! so the past three days i was at camp, and the campsite was near mid valley harhar. overall i thought the camp was ok... the highlights being caving, and the amazing race.

the first day the most worth remembering activity to me was amazing race. there were 8 groups, each groups having around 8 members, and we were given clues and 105 bucks. we were supposed to make our way to taman jaya LRT station, park the car, then use the money given to use any form of public transport to go to the locations (deciphered from the clues), then take a picture wif all group members excluding the photographer. and extra points given to the pictures with the nicest pose or something like that. i am still clueless about the points system x.X but anyhow i enjoyed myself especially when we were at sunway pyramid!! there were a lot of clues there so my group decided to head there first. so then we made our way to kelana jaya riding the LRT, n then sitting the bus to sunway pyramid. i was waaay freaked out in the bus maaan. it was really crowded n it was, freaky :X imagine wearing shorts, sitting high up on the platform thing n a few men standing right in front of u. oh well. anyway we reached the place n posed to take a picture. so we made this weird pyramid thing, i climbed on top of esther n kevin, haha, then after we all got into position we were all set when jason voon took the pic, we got down, when suddenly he id he didn't take the pic after all. so we had to climb on top of teach together again, also getting weird stares from the public. that pic wasn't even featured when the winner was announced later on. but they did feature our "pathlab" pic though. we spelled the alphabets using our whole bodies!! amusing huh xD

anyway im waiting for jason voon to send me the pics la. so i can post up here n remember this really nice activity xD after going to quite a few destinations (we skipped some though), we arrived exactly on time n was the 4th group who arrived. then later they announced, we were at second place!!! (i think. thats what i heard but it was confusing u know, the group numbers n all) losing by only a few points to the first place xD

oh and guess what the third day they announced that we were second place overall?! we didn't have a clue why we won. we didn't get iron chef, we didn't exactly score points for games either as the games were quite disorganized because of the rain... but i was happy. i rarely get my group to win much sometimes i think im somehow jinxed but i guess this proves otherwise :)

oh and the highlight of the camp for me waaaaas.......... CAVING!!! it's not just mere walking into the cave n coming out. it's about seeing the pretty rocks and formations, smelling bat shit, getting down dirty, stepping into muddy water, crawling through a small tunnel, getting bruises n scars everywhere, climbing hard-to-reach places, avoiding slipping as the floor was at some places muddy n watery, sliding down a rock, seeing the beautiful sceneries, exploring God's creation, seeing God at work, seeing the sunlight shine down from the not-that-big opening down on the cave, passing one obstacle after another n wondering when u can finally get out, wishing that u had Hiro Nakamura's powers so that u can teleport outta the cave, squatting/sitting in the small tunnel when resting after crawling through 5 holes n waiting for ppl to arrive, slowly stepping into the water n feeling the muddy water seep into yr shoes n socks, having shoes sinking into freaky mud n barely able to walk properly, n also having ppl say in yr face "OMG LUCKILY I DIDNT GO CAVING" although u knew that it was worth it that u went yrself, n praying while crawling so restlessly in the hole so that God will give u strength because godknowswhy yr arms hurt like hell n it's damn tiring but strangely it's not as tiring as other ppl said it was n making u wonder whether they crawled in an easier less tiring way?!, washing yr muddy nike shoes n nike socks which were brand new n wondering y u didnt buy the disposable socks on sale right in the entrance of the cave, panicking when yr head n safety helmet couldn't fit through the hole when u r crawling, panicking also that u will b stuck there forever n left to rot, n ultimately, feeling God's presence after never feeling it as much during the holidays when it was bored n quiet time was dry. yup. that was pretty much it. so now i feel like i proved to myself i m in fact a tough chick!! to the 10 of u who went rock climbing, i recommend u to go caving next time :)

40 of us in the cave, we were helping each other, quite bonding already la, n the ppl who were caving wif me at the back of the line were steph, rachel tan (not me la, steph's sister xD), cheryl tan, supposedly natalie tan yuen yuen!!, but she opted out at the last minute. my sister was at the first half of the line though, n im really glad that i kinda forced her into doing this cuz now i won't be able to look at her n say "NOOB!" because she is as tough as i am. to think that she was so terrified of the ghost house thing at my school carnival, but was able to go caving in the pitch black cave(n she told me her head light went off when she hit her helmet against the ceiling when crawling. aaah it happened to everyone)... anyway our second group for the first hour educational trip saw a snake xD n our guide oso asked us to turn off our headlights one by one, n see why we should be careful because after we opened our eyes n she turn offed her powerful torch light, the cave was pitch black!! except for the sunlight coming out from the opening at the far right. n i also got to see God's wonderful creations, basically the whole cave n the formations. then the guide was explaining that it takes 70 to 100 years to form even 1centimetre of the rock thingy.. . it really makes me think of God's great creation!!

n so yesterday night when sharing, i had the urge to share about God revealing himself to me in the cave. not just by answering my prayer but also through his wonderful creations. well frankly i was really trembling all over la but then i felt God pushing me, asking me to share. so i went anyway n i am proud of myself :)

u know i would really wna post pictures of my muddy shoes n socks (it's seriously brown in colour now, and my pretty green nike socks is also brown T.T) n my bruises, i mean what if someday i forget all about this wonderful experience. i never know. okay i have scratches at my right n left elbow (due to the crawling. bear in mind when we were crawling the ground wasn't smooth. it was really bumpy n watery n also bear in mind that a girl's front part isn't all flat lol so u cant just slide all the way. so i had to place my arm, elbow n lower la, on ground, using my uperelbow there to lift myself up moving every few inches. it was seriously tiring ok. that's y i've got a really really bad muscle pull in both my right n left arms i couldn't even play tennis today... so i cancelled x.X), a huge 50 sen coin size blue-black-dots-thing-that-really-hurts-when-pressed on my right knee, another one just above it, slightly smaller, wif freaky blueblackstuff purple n red dots around it, and also some purple n red dots on my left knee, and a 1 sen coin size blueblackspot (n the dots r surfacing ewwww its damn freaky u know the type of dots that appear in yr blueblackbruise i dont know whats that called n neither do i know how they came about) on my left hip, n awful muscle pulls in my legs, n especially in my arms. sorry but this is how it's like when yr popo went to China wif one of the cameras n the other one was sent to repair, n u have no camera phone just yet. sniff.

and not to mention i woke up really late this morning n i am still clad in pajamas! i'd better go change n wash up i might be going 1 U later for dinner :) n shopping of course! i just came to this shocking realisation that the christian orchestra performance at the curve is in fact.. NEXT SUNDAY NIGHT!!! i have to get my long sleeve white shirt x.X

as for the relationships part, i didn't really bond wif ppl but i did try to b as sociable as i can.. i talked to rachel tan, cheryl, samantha kok, kyralynn...a bit la n of course steph n yueny!! i oso talked to ppl la but takkan name everyone out meh. so yea. use yr imagination?

oh n the three days of camp i didn't really enjoy myself that much i was feeling intimidated by my own looks as well as the slim n pretty ppl around me :(!!! i really feel fatter during camp although i was supposed to feel toner because i really walked a lot n not to mention went caving, but i just feel fatter. i dunno y maybe im gaining back the fats :( the mirror in my room wasnt doing any good. it just made me look fat :( not podgy la simply because im not short xD oh and i had ugly hair the three days. so i just couldn't wait to get home in a way...

moments worth remembering :)

-the cute activity where we had to build our tiny church lusing the bubbles we blew up... a lot of humour came with it.. u know like jon wee's saying that his church had its own "lotus" where we can yumcha for free there xD n joel lee saying something like "oh this is our cute church. it's... cute!".. also the jingle for each of the groups that came wif the church activity, richard rapping n kieron singing sean paul's Rock Your World xDDD

-the short captainball game, we won just by one point!! then it rained... n also the catch of the game: shortest member becomes the catcher, second shortest becomes the defender...

-our girl talk moments when we dished the dirt about vanessa hudgens n ashley tisdale.. as well as taking about how hot zac efron is in hairspray :)

-the tired moment when the bus driver wouldn't let us muddy humans who just went caving to get into his bus, we had to sit on plastic bags n walk barefoot. barefoot on the road, holding our muddy shoes. it wasn't nice.

-saying that the Tans from (or at least for the 12 year olds, going to Bu4) SMKBU4 r conquering yf!! example of Tans r me, my sister, steph n her two sisters, yueny n her brother xD

this is all i can remember. i will post the pictures n other stuff later on. now i have to change n wear my contacts. ta!! :)

6L memories!

2007-12-07T12:31:00.000+08:00

i went for another reunion yesterday! this was a bit different though, firstly it was at 1U, n then we had only 9 ppl, 2 guys i dont really recognize who were not from 6L last time, along with 5 6L guys, and 4 of us 6L girls :)

so i went for tennis early morning n went late for the reunion but shao ann n gloria have not arrived, so i met the guys + karis (my bestie! xD) at the bowling place. gawd i havent bowled before in my life. darren was like: eh go bowl la everyone here did it at least once. but then i backed out anyway. silly me :X

so we went to buy tickets for a movie. ah well, i still dont know how karis managed to successfully persuade/influence everyone especially yubin who was kinda like the organizer, to watch heartbreak kid. but i wanted enchanted!! but i guess guys dont have enough passion for disney flicks, huh. lol we had trouble wif student cards. that weird woman at the counter asked for 9 student cards for 9 tickets but 2 of us r not here yet! so they had to pay extra 1 dollar n got the adult ticket. lol.

so we went errr, *cough shopping, along wif the guys. yubin said he wanted to buy slippers n since none of us had anything to buy, we followed yubin on his quest to buy slippers instead xD then we stopped at Big Apple donuts~! yubin n darren belanja-ed. hahaha. the donuts were really fresh man! i can recall when i took the lift up to gsc alone that morning n when i stepped out all i could smell was, well, donuts. yummy~ oh and i was soo fascinated wif the tiny paper bags things they gave for everyone to place their one donut in n eat from there xD so cool la.

then we went baskin robbins. i didn't have anything though, perhaps still a wee bit traumatized by the incident i had the other day shopping with yuen2 n erin, where i had two ice creams. i feel sick of it already. brrr. then we ate lunch at wong kok char chan teng. i ordered a disgusting minced pork n potato wif shanghai noodles thing. it's ok la but a bit tasteless n quite disgusting after when u're half full. bleh. oh and something worth remembering is how our seatings were at this long table. 9 of us, right? 4 girls on the right (gloria, karis, me, shao ann), 4 guys on the left (like i said i dont really know the names of the two 6K guys so i wont name them here lols), n yubin sitting in the middle (u know in between the two lines of boys n girls. he looks like the 'dai gors' in the movie. u get what i mean now?). haha it looks damn wrong u know! maybe i should illustrate it but ah whattheheck i think yr imaginations r good enough to imagine the scenario xD

haha then we were behind time, so we rushed to gsc!! heartbreak kid was ok la, horny movie. censored a lot la. my suggestion: go download it or buy the pirated dvd. they censored a lot ok! n it's obvious. obvious enough for someone like ME to notice!

oooh n i also met some ppl in 1U this day. ppl like melissa ang (whos back from aus) n her sister, michele, peinee, xinyi (wow it was quite awkward when we met i must say i forgot whether we were as close as before, but i said hi anyway along wif shao ann embracing them when they were in sight.) and this cambridge guy. i think he recognized me u know lol. whatever la. n i also met some other tmn sea ppl some whom i recognize, were from puaychai. yup.

oh i totally forgot to write about the starbucks time! i was proud to say i did not succumb to temptation to buy a frappucino xD haha then the us girls were chatting n chatting only to leave yubin n darren at the side sitting quietly. then when yubin left darren was sitting there alone. awww. nah i was kidding. they joined in oso la. a bit la. xD n who knew yubin played the violin??

u know what camp is tomorrow!!!!!! i've got to start packing. but first i gotta go wear my contact lenses. my world is blurrr now x.X

expect my next post to be a few days later, blabbering about camp. haha. happy holidays ppl. i still havent done my christmas shopping, n neither have i slimmed down, practice a lot of piano n violin, do homework, nor read story books to improve my english chinese n BM. oh in case u dont know what im talking about, i'm refering to my "holidays plan" in which i havent really started. maybe starting half way but im not pleased with how it is right now! me lazing around whole day. ha. tatas!

2007-12-04T14:15:00.000+08:00

so i will continue about yesterday. my mum's ohsogreat plan was to park her car in her school smk tmn sea, then we get a lift to the LRT station nearby and make our way to KLCC. so first thing in the morning, we were there. me clad in peep toe high heels, a black skirt n a blouse. well it was kinda awkward because, just imagine yrself all dolled up like that only to find out that u're gonna stumble upon some SPM/STPM students when they make their way home after their exams. omg! it was awkward :( n mum was constantly embarrassing me although she promises not to talk so much again xD

okay, then we got a lift frm the head invigilator to LRT station. i'll skip the LRT part but i'll only say that riding in LRT feaks me out. seriously. it wasn't that crowded la but still, freaky.

and so we reached KLCC!!! we shopped around awhile, then went to watch te korean thingy, JUMp! disappointment la. they were just promoting korea n the jump show, was only around.. 20 minutes or less. not even the whole thing :( n lucky draw, didn't get anything. but i saw this girl from my school right, she got a hp n a korean tea set. lucky sia. but wasn't a total disappointment because my mum, being the im-lazy-to-travel person she is, she actually uttered those words that rang in my ears like sweet sounding bells xD : " let's go to korea next year!!!"

omg yay xD

anyway then after that we walked around KLCC again n let me tell u Kinokuniya is for rich ppl. u know i found this PERFECT uber cute japanese lala skull-ish small note book,priced at RM4.40. i didn't buy it but i had a hard time leaving it :'( was flipping it through for so long :( oh and on the LRT i realised my sis bought a useless sticker thing for also RM4.40, like wth! could've gotten that notebook :( wow n i found like, ELLE sports, n ESPIRIT notebooks!!! more like diaries la they're so pretty! but expensive. heck, i found RM70+ bucks diary/notebook n it's ugly n even more expensive than the ELLE sports one x.X

huge christmas tree in KLCC. would wna some pics up, but heck, the laziness x.X

then after that we took the LRT back, n guess what, reached the station near tmn sea n actually WALKED back to the school. WALKED. berjalankaki-ed. wif my high heels. it wasn't really a pleasant journey. swt. n then to mke matters worse some athletes were there in the school, n we had to walk past a whole bunch of them. was so awkward :( for me la.

n i had to keep saying to my mum: "im not coming to yr school anymore. if i did within a year everyone would know that i think im fat n i need to slim down. you n yr big mouth la. introduce me need to tell everything about me one meh. stupid la you."

well minus the "stupid la you" part xD. heck my mum had wanted to post my BAPTISM PICTURES in her blog. wtheck?!?! i take a proclaimation of my faith in church n she posts up pictures of me baptizing? can u imagine the tmn sea-ers stumbling upon them n seeing me in school (if i really do transfer to tmn sea)? would b awkward! i didnt even post the pictures in here myself :X ah but whatever she didn't la, due to constant complaints she got from me she decided she couldn't take them anymore she gave in xDD im so evil.

despite the fact that if i go to tmn sea it would b a wee bit awkward (including wif the teachers as i sat in the office some days waiting for my mum to do the duties n some teachers were there. freaky much. penolong kanan somemore.) i seriously dunno it seems like a nice school? i dunno lars. maybe im tired of BU4. oh well.

2007-12-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

maybe i should sleep n think of how to share my good-bad experience today (it was really a long day n tiring one.. psychically n mentally.) without being the usual bad-english-ed rachel. wahahah!

yup. brace yourselves for tomorrow!

naaah, whatever. i'll say it in the usual bad-english-ed rachel way: too lazy to blog-la. niteys :)

just really bored

2007-11-29T16:26:00.000+08:00

following a realization that i have actually really totally been baptized n still not really changing for the better (n also quite encouraged by chernyao's sudden urge to b more matured by firstly changing his blog link although i seriously dunno what he means by all this but oh well), i have made a short list of what i expect from the baptized ME. oohlala! weird right, baptized so long liao onli start to sink in? i feel so ashamed :X

i must:
be positive
not gossip about other people
not judge a book by its cover
be good
be Christ-like
(this pretty much sums up everything)
read the bible every single day :)
be determined to get the slim athletic body i've always wanted besides being better in sports xP
not be emo!!
be content with what i have

(omg this is starting to sound familiar. n i realised again i have posted something like this last time. sheesh. this shows how much of a procrastinator i am! but im definitely going to b great this time i m confident because i'll b praying for God's strength! my mental, spiritual even psychical health has been going crazy these days. i need some... inspiration? xD)

one word: TYPICAL

2007-11-28T14:13:00.000+08:00

yup. typical's the word. typical rachel when she goes to get a hairstyle n gets so excited about it but after washing it curls back n becomes really ugly. wtf man. i hate it la. why me? wait, why NOT me??

so i went for 6L reunion yesterday (after washing my hair. dang)... so i'll let the pictures do the talking :)

*thank GOD i brought a camera to capture these happy reunion moments (okay maybe im exaggerating a lil' cus some of us werent socializing as much as i thought everyone would xD)

if u were wondering what we were doing all clumped up together so closely wif each other, well, we were playing one of our games, lol.

hairhairhair

2007-11-27T10:13:00.000+08:00

guess what i went to cut my hair :) mainly because i want to have a hairstyle that i am confident enough to not tie it up 24/7, because well, to help my poor scalp :( but i was risking another hair-mishap because everytime i think that way while going to the hairdresser my hair is usually short n curled up in a pathetic ball. i m not joking.

so i went to the hairdresser's, and requested to have a reaaally layered cut! n i also asked the hairdresser to make my bangs/fringe thicker (by taking some hair from the back n cutting it to fringe length so that it well, becomes, part of the fringe xD) so she said in cantonese: "cut 3 inch ar?" i was like, okok. although i liked my long hair :( but after blowing n stuff my hair went quite puffy n it's kinda short now but somewhat i am confident that later after i wash my hair it will look longer :) hey it happens! (or more like hey it happened! oh and i think my hair will also curl back T.T)

so after that mum went to fetch sis from her cambridge reading n writing english thing xD then i said:

"hey sarah!!!!! guess what mummy let me straighten my hair AGAIN.. nice?!"

and she was so complaining for a moment until she realised i was lying xD

actually i realised i love curly hair. i mean if i get to choose between dead straight hair or really nice curly hair like vanessa hudgens/any model who has the messy out-of-bed curly sexy locks, i would choose the second mentioned.. dontcha think.

the good news is my hair is curly. bad news is it's curly in a stupid way. I'M SERIOUS!!!

the bad-girl part of me wants to have her hair dyed or something-naughty-that-u-arent-supposed-to-go-to-school-in! but the rational part of me said i've got a-slightly-getting-better hair loss so y risk it n damage my ohsoprecious hair?

actually i still look weird in front of cameras. bah. cursesssss.

puffy hair

really layered hair with the short layers all dropping down although u've tied it. awesome!! xD

oh and check out my new LITTLEMISSBAD shirt! yup. got it from beach at 1U for like around 40 bucks.. actually spotted it a day before i actually went to buy because i had no money at that time. u couldn't imagine the drama on the second day when my mum brought me there n she had to rush to buy something, totally forgetting to give me money for the shirt :( then sis n i sat outside beach, waiting n waiting, n my heart really lurching at every customer who passes through n whos eye catches the ONEANDONLY littlemissbad shirt right in front! then my mum finally came n i, well, bought it! woots. bet u cant imagine the drama can u :)

going for a 6L reunion later! cant wait :)

2007-11-25T20:53:00.000+08:00

went for a Christian orchestra practice today at a church near atria.. i m guessing its my violin teacher's church, thats y he asked me to play there in the first place i guess! well i didnt exactly prepare for the 1st violin n i totally screwed it just now.. didnt really play ha!

anyway we're performing at the curve la, so be sure to come n watch me play once i get the date (too lazy to search for it now.. n speaking about laziness, i went jogging today! didnt stop, just kept jogging. woots. what an achievement! sarcastic la of course. i m already procrastinating like hell n if i didnt i would b super thin by now. sheesh.)!!!

remedy :)

2007-11-24T19:27:00.000+08:00

its beginning to feel annoying posting in xanga n blogspot at the same time. maybe i should let one go??

wow today was really fun in yf. went to A&W wif steph n erin. jason lim belanja-ed xD to reward us for working soooo hard on the carolling invitations (can u sense the sarcasm in this sentence xD).. JJ tagged along.. n then after that yf class was cancelled.. our class went to Lotus.. we unknowingly sat at a smoking area n now our clothes n bodies n hairs smell like smoke. pukes. im giving myself cancer. i even smelt my shirt, took a deep breath n felt my lungs corroding. see what smoking does? everybody who smokes a lot should die. DIE. (no offense if u smoke though. everybodys gonna die, u'll just die sooner :D anyway kidding lar. im a nice person :D)

oooh n i love carolling! nice la the songs, except for joy to the world, because its simply too high pitched n i cant sing it :( but it sounds nice la :)

omg btw i totally onli got my november seventeen mag yesterday. so late right? please im reading december cleo right now.

WOW. what a coincidence. i was worrying about how frizzy my hair gets after washing n found this in cleo december (which i m reading now xD):
"freshly washed hair tend to be frizzy as it lacks the natural oils to weigh it down. You'd have to wait a day or two to get the right look on your hair but by then it'll be dirty and grotty. Use these products to get te day-old texture, even on freshly washed hair:"
wow i am SO getting the products xD well no wonder my hair was frizzy!!! i m not alone. :)

i always think my hair would b perfect if it doesnt fall out easily n it is slightly flatter n but that puffy. ohwell, i should b content n not to covet :)

+++

u got me trippin', stumblin', flippin', fumblin',
clumsy cuz im falling in love
u got me slippin', tumblin', sinkin', fumblin',
clumsy cuz im falling in love

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...
that it's too late to apologize, it's too late

The remedy is the experience.
This is a dangerous liaison
I say the comedy is that it's serious.
This is a strange enough new play on words
I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend
The rest of your nights with the light on
So shine the light on all of your friends
When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.

anyway they r three different songs la. songs in which i am crazy over now :)

2007-11-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

i saw like, THE perfect baby tees in espirit today!!!! but unfortunately didn't have enough money to get them :( and i also saw the little-miss shirts in Beach!!! maybe there's a reason to me not bringing enough money, which is, to prevent me from splurging! self-control self-control... even though THE perfect baby tees just look so awfully perfect. sob.

shopping wif Yuen n Erin was really fun. i got to exercise my legs (wow serious exercise man. walking n walking xD) doing the things i love most, shopping. or least window-shopping, with the amount of money i had :(

i was tagged by bue to do several post thingies but was lazy. sorry! but i got this from her blog, im pretty sure my mum did this before too xDD

$6100.00
woots~ so anyone interested to buy me :)

like, woots?

2007-11-20T11:35:00.000+08:00

WOW. my very own racquet. i feel like... maria sharapova xD

its so pretty n uber cool... black n white! woots. cant wait to post a picture of it :)

oh and i also realised that i get to hit the ball better wif my new racquet.. haha!!! happy happy ((:

hmm. erin's on her way to 1U while im drying my hair. yups. oh and guess what! i went jogging yesterday! woohoo.. i jogged to one song, and walked to one song (hey my stamina kinda really sucks)... it was exhausting! i feel the slight muscle pull already :X

how pathetic is that, when i used to complain about my thick hair, and when it's gradually getting thinner and thinner, i complain it's puffy. heck, it had always been puffy. damp hair looks ok but once it dries, ah, well, it's puffy. sob. i mean, life is so unfair. when i finally have a shot at having thin hair (ok sounds stupid but anyway) my hair is puffy. and dry. it doesnt really stay in place!! and it looks thick again. grrr. that's why i always say: why let down yr hair when it's soooo much better to tie it up? woots for people who tie their hair up high! woots!

woots people, enjoy yourselves. it's the hols! woots. woots, woots, WOOTS.

baptized

2007-11-18T12:12:00.000+08:00

i am baptized!!!!

well apparently my legs really lifted up high when i was immersed in water. people actually laughed :(
hey im not exactly a big fan of water okay :X

and i took a lot of time to change.. the whole church was waiting for my oh-so-grand entrance!! omg it was soo embarassing... well maybe God was trying to teach me something about this baptism worth remembering.. but like erin said it's all about the baptism and not about anything else :)

despite all that i really feel happy :) partly because i brought my mum n sis to church! im gonna bring my dad too xD

above all i thank GOD for this chance, and making my baptism ohsospecial, me being the stupid clumsy awkward rachel He made me to be! woots!

but the thought of the whole church waiting for me to change my clothes is, well, really freaky. seriously. enough to keep me awake at night...

2007-11-17T14:11:00.000+08:00

hey u puaychai people who was from 6L (year 2004) :)

tang shu yi's planning a 6L reunion thing, on 27th nov 2007, 5pm to 10pm. it's potluck. please confirm soon n hope u guys will come! :)

ooooh i just love the joy of spreading the word :)

yup! we'll make sure EVERYONE from 6L comes. noone will b left out! yays :)

on a different note, i found an uber cool website for you guys (or me) who want to kick start a fitness regime! or at least be healthy if u dont wanna lose any weight :)

sparkteens!! clickclick

2007-11-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

went to watch Stardust with alethea n chern yao today. the movie was kinda nice la. worth watching.. (excuse me for the poor description/review! i am currently working hard on improving my vocabulary okay..)

oooh ooh n i bought these really cute n pretty pumps/flats/shoes! they were quite dirty though.. for like about 50 bucks.. according to chern it's hideous but hey, i think it's so awesomely preetty oh and i promised myself that i wouldn't be such a big spender from now on. u know like, sediakan payung sebelum hujan, and all those berjimat-cermat crap. frankly speaking i don't really see the use of saving so much money when u're gonna perish one day anyway. maybe it'll b tomorrow! or the day after tomorrow! then u'll totally regret how u didn't spend the money. hah hah.

i suck at tennis.. i really do suck. shit. is it my lack of natural-born sports talent yadayada? or lack of practice? lack of experience? lack of.. muscles?

congrats to sis because she got 2As, 4Bs, and a C in UPSR. heck i really cant imagine how my PMR results would turn out to be. one minute i imagine myself shedding tears of joy because i've got straight bloody As, another minute i see myself drowning in my own tears because i have really little As... omg this is.. killing me. slowly.

and did i mention that my sister could be getting a sony ericsson phone? i mean like, if i knew 2As can get my parents to buy me a phone, i would have got.. 3 sony ericsson phones by UPSR, and that leftover A (7 As mah) for something else. what the heck, i got a lousy 300 bucks motorola phone for my UPSR straight As, and my sister gets 2As, she gets a sony ericsson phone? she doesnt even uses her phone la kay. i know she just wants to be like her stupid little bitchy friends, flaunting their sony ericsson phones, while using it to listen to music, n to camwhore.

i once told her: if u love these stuff so much, n u wouldnt wna use yr phone right, why not get an mp3 player, and a camera. i mean thats what u want? a sony ericsson pro phone, minus the phone because u don't even use the bloody phone?

gah. i smell unfairness. period.

if i really get straight As, im seriously wanting a cybershot sony ericsson phone, and a cybershot camera (i want the T70... omg u should really check it out it's SOOOO worth having... clickclick), and a treadmill! (since my dad refuses to bring me to the gym because apparently his doctor told him 15 year olds shouldnt go to the gym because it's not good for health? like wth i just want to use the bloody treadmill. and my mum's busy to bring me to the park to jog or whatever. swt man. cant a flabby-thighs-girl have her own fitness regimen going without all these bloody circumstances? i've already dragged on for weeks okay. i dont wanna have flabby thighs anymore. especially not for youth camp. sob)

did i mention also that my baptism is on sunday? oooh lala!

2007-11-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

went to watch balls of fury today with nicole n steph. the movie was okay lar..

i spotted some pretty polo tops n logo tees in PDI! anyone wanna go on a shopping trip with me?? i need to buy them ASAP!! and some really nice peeptoe/pumps/wedges i saw at vincci!!! *swoon (is this an appropriate word)

oh and i have this eyelash in my eye. freaky. told mummy about it n she said a mere "it will come out wan la" but what if it doesn't?? omgomg.

i solemnly SWEAR SWEAR SWEARRR that i will go on a diet tomorrow. if i don't i'll just think of my quite chubby face/thighs n disgust myself. yup. but the thing is, i love food :( sob

how can people b soo pretty + slim n have a really caring family which never falls apart, n have so many friends all at the same time? i can even name a few in my head right now.

n i also promise myself that i will NOT sleep 12 hours a day. like wtf i'm such a procrastinator. i DESPISE this stupid procrastination of mine. it's DUMB.

im so SICK of myself posting these stupid SAME goals of mine in my blog sooo many times. why cant i just cut the crap n get to it! n i'm also so SICK of myself saying this "omg how can ppl b so slim n pretty n yadayada" line again n again.

wait. at least i have practiced my grade 8 piano pieces! whooohoo!! i rock! :)

feeling inspired..

2007-11-09T17:25:00.000+08:00

after reading Pretty Little Liars, i am inspired to do something to my ohsosad life!

first off, i would like to lose weight! like Hanna in the book (well she did it fast by being bulimic but, thats not the point)!!! it wrote that after she did that she wasnt the dorky chubby Hanna she used to be. she was the new hot, most-sought after girl in her school. it really shows how appearance matters to people, huh. why cant people understand that beauty is skin deep? *wise look on face

anyway im not saying that i should lose weight because i want to b hot or whatsoever.. i just need to lose weight because i need my long lost confidence baaack besides, it's good to b healthy xD and slim.

secondly, i think i should b more positive minded. i should just totally change the way i look at things. i know this takes time but it'll totally be worth while. this starts with, erm. reading the bible n praying! i think. n also fixing my bad-ass attitude, b more open to friendships, etc.etc. i mean if i give up the chance of knowing somebody better, while complaining in my dead-blog i am soo lonely, it'll just be.. too dumb, too dumb indeed. n stupid. plain stupid. i mean, why keep complaining im lonely while im actually so cold n unfriendly n i didn't know it? (yeah. it was soo shocking realizing that myself!)

its easier said than done! i know im constantly posting about what im about to do if my life to *drumdoll.. live life to the fullest, but so you know, i am a procrastinator

wow, does this mean i'll keep on posting these emo-what-i-want-to-do stuff until i'm 50? well, nope. not in hell, or heaven, or earth. yada yada.

day two / something's seriously wrong

2007-11-08T18:38:00.000+08:00

or at least my hormones r at fault. hmm.

woke up this morning having this suicidal feeling until almost just now. i just hate this emotion roller coaster i've been on for dunnowhatreasons!

it hit me that perhaps i like to sleep because i like to have a time out, away from this world, away from my suicidal thoughts, away from my insecurities...

i can't explain this. i don't even know whether my AWFUL exaggerated mood swings r the result of my hormone imbalance or what not. hey i read somewhere that if a girl has hormone problems, she will have irregular menstrual cycles, n hair, hair everywhere (okay okay maybe this sounds a little sick, n disgusting, n exaggerated)!!! i keep telling mummy to bring me for a check-up but i just sound stupid n paranoid when i bring it up. and besides, teenagers aren't supposed to worry about their health or anything, they r supposed to enjoy life n stuff, aren't they?

oh and i should love my mummy more cuz for the sake of my i-am-so-not-content-with-what-i-have-and-i-want-what-i-want-to-make-me-less-emo feelings, she, so far, has:
- fixed my internet mishap, asking a friend of hers to come n fix the wireless internet connection issues
- asked that friend of hers to fix the computer
- asked him to come back again to fix the computer because i complained that it's still slow
- bought a DVD drive because i complained the comp can't read DVDs, n i cant install my precious Sims2
- bought an extra internal hard disk for the comp to make sure i have 80G extra space to install what i want
- bought a new mouse so that we can have enough mouse to use at home ( we have 3 so far! )

u know what the worst thing is? i can't neither play Audition nor Sims2 right now. aaaargh, im too lazy to care right now. it's so depressing.

sometimes i think of what other ppl think of me/what kind of self-image i give to others whether through my blog, the way i talk, the way i present myself, the way i complain about life, the way i smile.. etc.etc.

u know what's my worst nightmare? me, outside of my own body, looking right back at myself, seeing myself complain n complain n complain about her body, her looks, her appearance, her social life, her life, n actually thinking it's annoying.

so here i go: i'm sorry if i annoyed anyone by my stupid dumb complaints or rantings. i have my own mood swings sometimes, but everybody does, n this doesn't give me the right to complain like hell while some ppl r at the bink of death, or something, praying that they might live, n i actually i have a chance to live. sorry if i annoy u, any of u.

(but heck, if this sorry note itself annoys u, it only means one thing: u hate me, dont u? o.O)

and i will promise myself from now on i'll live life to the fullest with one bible verse:
So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun.
-Ecclesiastes 8:15

i don't even know whether this verse is relevant to what im talking about, haha.

chernyao's quote (from his blog):
if u really wanna be that other person, then u can never be yourself!

u r u...u can't deny that? so what if u're fat or ugly? at least u can still get a chance of seeing this majestic world?

b4 u can change what other ppl feels and thinks about u.....change urself first!

if u think u're fat and if u wanna be slim and slender...well do something about it!

if not. then just be content and stop moping to the extent of suicidal!

plain STUPID!!!!

to my dearest friends out there who r still a bit emo or whatever, cheer up! i did! for dunno what reason. u see?? i think it's my hormones again. sheeeesh

(oh and one last thing. have u ever wondered y i usually type so long a post when i'm emo? well, i'm trying to figure that out too. it's just like.. isaac mendez from Heroes, he paints the future when he's high on drugs! hah. and i write long posts when i'm having mood swings. wow.)

day one

2007-11-07T12:39:00.000+08:00

woke up late

didn't go jogging

but fear not! hope is not lost just yet (i tell myself). currently doing some piano composers research homework. hey, it's really hard okay. woot! and oso searching for samples of the ABRSM grade 8 piano exam pieces... still havent made up my mind about the songs im about to choose x.X (hey, it's important kay.)

anyway i already saved everything i can find in my Youtube playlist, so u can navigate to it if u r curious to know!!

oh aaaand fitpod.com is good too. if u need some music added to yr jogging routine, or what not.

ta!

2007-11-06T23:12:00.000+08:00

oh, have i mentioned, my mum wants desperately (maybe not la) for me to become a librarian. whyyyy. oh whyyy??

because i promised myself i won't b caught neither dead nor alive in that brown outfit, being a.. ohmygoodness. librarian!!!

no offense to those committed librarians out there. i just.. like to b a normal student. i'm not much a person who abides much to rules

people ask me, hmm, why keep on saying should transfer to tmn sea? simply because it's just easiest to go there, u know? it's just so easy to get my butt in, at least that's what i think. hah.

hey don't look at me that way, like i'm some bitch who totally isn't pleased wif her school right now n wants to b by her mummy's side n be protected or something shitty!!

like i said, my mum already wanted me to go to her school after PMR... she said it's slightly better there.. xD but hey.. i really feel weird about this whole thing!!

maybe im making a big fuss about it. maybe i should stay in my school! hmm. thats for God to decide, i guess x)

last day of school. can u imagine? it's so fast! can u imagine we'll b seeing the form5s for the last time today :(

well how would i know?? maybe there's a hot guy in f5 i was meant to spot but i didn't! gahh.

typical me: hey peeps! this is totally the last day u'll seeing me fat, 'cause i'll b working the treadmill n be slim before school reopens next year!!!

quite emo me: i tell u, next year when u see me i'll b so anorexic u'll only see my bones...

*ale's cookie monster :) : huh? u arrr?? (anyway i think that's what he said. or he wasn't talking to me. who cares xD)

emo me snapped out of the emo-ness xD: oh nooo, noo. i love food *

noisy outspoken me: EH OMG! this is like, totally! the last time u see me FAT. im gonna be like, SOOOO slim when u see me nxt year! woot!

lazy me: how can i slim down in.. one months ++?? it's too much pressure :(

wow can u imagine if i'd really laze around this holiday, n get fatter some more? i would so b a laughing stock :(

emotion-roller-coaster ride

2007-11-05T19:53:00.000+08:00

had several ups and downs recently like, the past few days.. well everybody does have ups and downs, don't they? ermm.

ups!

- i passed the baptism interview!! woots! hope i can b a good testimony to my i-think-non-Christian-family n other non-Christian friends! hope my sin-filled lifestyle would change for the better after this act of declaration of me being a Christian!! Recalling some stuff during the long awaited interview while i was waiting outside wif Geber (he was waiting for a person before him too, but that someone finished already n he went in, after his interview finish i oso havent entered yet.. hmm. wonder how much stuff JJ shared with the, erm, interviewers xD) :

me: oh, why i want to be baptized? oh because i think it's like, i'll become an official Christian after that! yea! totally man.

uncle PK n uncle Leslie: oh erm. u become an, as u said, official Christian when u receive Christ. so u baptize because u want to declare to the world that u r a Christian.

and at that moment i regretted using the two now-i-fear words: official Christian.

i mean if i weren't that nevous i could have said: oh i want to get baptized because.. Jesus instituted it! so it seems wrong not to baptize if i m serious about being a Christian!!

yea should've said that seriously.

(anyway that aobve conversation is somewhat correct, but the actual conversation was in a more serious manner.... so, use yr imagination, people!!)
(shouldn't even write a lot of crap in the "how i became a christian" pape that they were gona use as reference. erin's column: one sentence. mine: one whole page)

so i will b getting baptized nxt nxt sunday on 18th of november come n watch ah.

- went to DUMC LOUD! concert 2007.. it was quite ok la.. but quite bored at first. lucky to know that there was the another concert.. aha.

- watched Simpsons the movie wif steph, chern yao n amanda in AV room. it was so exciting, for a start! there were no teachers to accompany us (cik wan said she would come in a moment but we ended up watching in AV room for quite a long time before she came in n signed the book n stuff. oh btw!!! she said i cant get my student card anymore :( pn lee said form1s r also not getting? cuz the cost of making the card has doubled, or something x.X), n we were all alone in that quite-big AV room. so fun n cold n.. exciting lar! isn't it exciting to know that u're breaking the rules n that pn lee might just catch us anytime n expell us after she kicks our asses? i meant literally, but haha, kidding..

- got FIRST PLACE in bola baling!!! wheeee!! contrary to the rumours that we only got 3rd place.. ell we did get help from the pro basketballers from our class but i did help okay! im ohsoproud of it :) it shows that we the teratai-ans r not as nerdy everybody thinks (well some of us la lol)!!

downs
- i feel that if im posting in both xanga and blogspot, ppl would call me a stupid bitch. well, am i?? am i?? or am i just an idiotic wannabe who wants ppl to read her posts.. hmm. thats for u to decide. have mercy when deciding, though!
(anyway its hard la, okay, to pick between xanga n blogspot. seriously)

-i feel lonely n friend-less. someone save me?

-i feel fat

- i've been thinking about whether im serious abt changing school next year. well if i'm gona switch to tmn sea next year (like im always saying), it would b my last day in SMK BUD(4) tomorrow!! but then, im not ready to change school yet! BUT, im also terrified at the thought staying at SMK BUD(4) living my miserable anti-social ugly fat life until im form 5. secondary school year well-spent, not

i just feel that this secondary school life it's really short, u know? after u grow up there's no turning back to the good or the bad days of secondary school that u will miss ohsomuch. so i feel that i must make the most of my secondary school life. but what am i doing? i'd already kinda wasted my 3 years in SMK BUD(4) already. i just feel frustrated. trying to get out. trying to escape from the misery? but not exactly very miserable a this school oso. aiya torn between two la.

i seriously don't understand how ppl can live their lives so perfecty in school! u see these pretty mannequin-like humans walking around socializing so well! and most of all, they can survive a whole long day at school without drenching their fringe in whatever, like me (i see it as a curse upon me, man). they totally can maintain their nice looking hair everytime. when they let down their hair it falls nicely onto their shoulders, without a single i've-been-tying-my-hair-up-in-a-ponytail curl thing on the hair (u know when u've been tying yr hair too long it'll make yr hair curl? i dunno but it looks ugly on me. gaaah.), and they still look ohsopretty&perfect although tying their hair up. and did i mention how they can keep their hair so perfectly straight/curly in a very nice way?

how can ppl b so perfect sometimes? they have pretty faces, long silky nice hair and ohsoperfect bods. life is sooo unfair. (quote: whoever mentioned life was fair??)

anyway i know these perfect ppl dont exist. they just look that way. some people. no such thing as living a perfect life, right.

but u know, im just grateful to be the one n only me :) although not always la =.=

on an unrelated note, i really wanna find a gym partner and a shopping partner, and.. aaaand......

testimony of my promise.. woooo.

2007-11-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

i promise myself that from today onwards i'll:

practice playing piano grade 8 (aaaaargh!!)
practice playing the ohsohard violin grade 6
quit lazing around
study hard
stop wasting my time (by sleeping 12 hours a day )
exercise
stop binging pointlessly on food
read the bible everyday
be a presentable Christian
be content with what i have
stop complaining about life
be more confident in myself
read bukit kepong (so that i can finish it once n for all)
be really friendly n nice
stop being a bitch
be on diet (or at least stop binging on fattening food)
smile more :)
live life to the fullest

2007-11-01T18:46:00.000+08:00

to give u a rough picture of how my past 20 minutes surfing i-am-bored.com was, here r some links:
feel free to click :)

http://www.winterrowd.com/maze/

aaand

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/avtest

i still got a headache from those pages...gaaaah.. my popo was complaining how i scared her while i, well, screamed. gosh.

2007-11-01T17:43:00.000+08:00

you will never believe it. i've never felt so stupid in my life!

first i went to bought ingredients for brownies n muffins yesterday. had to beg mum. today, went out to buy some ingredients also, just as i wanted to measure the flour for baking some muffins, my popo exclaimed:

"the oven is not working!"

u have absolutely no idea how stupid i felt. i just froze there for like 3 seconds, while my popo was saying that i should buy an electric oven. i think i'll have to wait like, a few days (or weeks) before i get it, judging my mum's habit of delaying shopping plans

maybe God wants to tell me something. u see, the Sims2 CD i bought earlier? it couldn't be read in my comp. only my laptop can read DVD cds but i would probably not install Sims2 (n every other extensions) here. it'll just jam the whole laptop.. and just when i needed the last game to keep me company : Audition, there were problems on patching. as if that wasn't bad enough, after successfully patching, the welcome screen freezes n screw it, i can't playat all

the only thing i have left to keep me company: baking. n my oven died on me. coincidences? i think maybe not

is God telling me i should stick to exercise? i'm getting fat, anyway xD

random thingss

2007-10-30T20:34:00.000+08:00

have u any idea how addictive + fun facebook is??

learnt how to make muffins today! yay! yummyyy..

fixed my comp! after sooo long.. now i can play everything :D

ate a very fattening cheese naan :(

2007-10-29T13:35:00.000+08:00

wooow. it feels so good to ponteng school today just because i was feeling sleepy xD

wonder if i got kicked out of choir today? hmm.

aaah. cookies.

2007-10-26T19:05:00.000+08:00

omg u wouldn't have guessed it (well maybe u did)

i've got my hands on the PMR science marking scheme!!!!

well actually it isn't me who has it, it's my mum. apparently she's getting some money for each paper marked. sweeeet. maybe i should just help her mark the papers, n i don't have to get a part-time job. haha kiddings

yesterday was the worst 2 hours of my life. well, how amusing can seeing primary school kids dancing around like monkeys in Puaychai be?

me: "good thing it's for charity la. who ask u to buy extra ticket? performers no need what. btw yr what time is it dance is DUMB. sheesh! worst night of my life. wait. it IS for charity right?"

sis: "think so.....for building the toilets."

me: "!!!!!!!"

charity my arse maan!! i tot it was for some suffering children in erm, africa, or something??? toilets??? trust me, Puaychai has fancier toilets than... every school toilet. grrr. even our toilets at SMK BUD (4).

2 hours of my life, spent to help Puaychai student pee in a better environment? i have nothing to say.

some people thought there was gonna b gotong-royong today. hell not! if pn. zubaidah said it will b SENAMAN, then it will be SENAMAN. won't b gotong-royong wan la, i guess.

anyway, yea, this raymond-guy came to our school again. he skipped the hip hop dance part though, best part of the exercise-advertising gig. awww.

learned how to make quiche today! also cleaned up the bilik masakan. of all people, why us? pn. lee is at fault

im so desperate to go watch linkin park in action at singapore, i am finding for any stupid contests that will help. u know like those gua.com.my watch-LPTV-answer-questions-complete-slogan-to-win, or fly fm's name-as-much-LP-songs-as-u-can contests? omg. i AM desperate. hey the gua.com.my one is hard, ok? i cant even hear stuff properly, like is it 17 or 7 the narrator said? sobs.

on a rather upsetting note, my fitness regime is currently : NOT EVEN STARTED. i feel so lazy, fat, ugly, all jumbled up in my tiny little heart. this guilt is killing me

how can i even binge on famous amos cookies at this time of my feeling-fat,-so-fat life??

paint the net pink!

2007-10-24T23:15:00.000+08:00

u can start by going to

PINKLE

a pink google search engine. i dunno how my mum found out abt this website, quite long ago!

so go forth n spread the pink-ness, people!

aaah. photography.

2007-10-22T20:41:00.001+08:00

deviantart really sparks the photography-interest in me :)

don't u think a picture speaks a thousand words? they are so random, so personal perhaps, having a meaning of its own!

im so getting a camera phone soon :)

the lean bean. well, not really lean la.

2007-10-22T19:41:00.000+08:00

these few days i've been really really, i mean really appreciating the fact that i'm tall

yea. it's the only good thing i can be proud of, i guess. if i'm not tall then i would look really really fat. n besides, i totally hate my hair! n face. i look so retarded when i open my mouth. serious! especially when doing the warming up exercises for choir. mouth has to b big enough to fit yr 3 fingers. cute way to put it

btw!! i realised that i don't have a good pitch thingy! i can't really identify the piano notes played by teacher! aaah i feel so confused at that time during choir practice, i'd probably made a fool of myself. sobs.

i still call myself a grade 8 piano player? SOB.

(if i completed grade 7, means i'm grade 8 right? haha! OMGOMG IM GRADE 8 xD)

everybody has perfect pitch except for me i knew from the start i wasn't good at this pitch thing :(

2007-10-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

OMG baskin robbins ice cream cake is just so absolutely heavenly!

2007-10-17T20:21:00.000+08:00

YAY! back online i come! yup. internet is officially FIXED.

sheesh. went to 1 U today with steph, nic, n chernyao. chernyao was actually job-hunting! well, i suggested we go unionbay n we wrote down our details... but there is less hope as it appears that they have a long list =.=

n one time, i suggested we go to this shop called Triple Crown, or something, n chernyao is actually going to an interview on friday! not me la, cos apparently it's "very hard for them to give out those forms for the jobs, especially for 15 year olds"

i was so half-excited about working part time i had a weird dream about working at unionbay just now. the part timers r supposed to put together an outfit n pose outside to attract customers or something like that, n i was the one everybody looked down on, but also the one who put together the best outfit, got praised by the big boss. heh. one kick-ass dream.

at times i embarassed myself, like when i went inside body glove and girls (omg what was i thinking luckily they didn't want 15 year olds), asked whether got vacancies, said i'm 15, got the "aww, u're too young." look... sheesh.

remembered that i said i'm gonna start off exercising after PMR n have a body as toned as.. whoever? sadly, i am NOT starting my oh-so-great exercising plan. sheesh. i'm so lazy n all i do is just sleep all day. well, at least half a day. x.X

but i have is AWFUL muscle pull in my right arm, because i played tennis yesterday. i have a coach! woot xD 70 bucks per hour. heh.

and i also have a muscle pull in my abs, funny how chernyao is offended after i mentioned it

and how would i forget to blog about the "low carb chicken club" i ate at carls jr, beside genki sushi?? i see the guy giving me an evil smile of insult man. but the meal was kinda yummy (22 bucks u noe), it's like some tasty chicken in between some vege replacing the burger buns. it was messy. yea. i didn't even finish eating it. it's quite huge!

i do have some current obsessions:
- my new Sims 2 complete edition PC dvd game cd thing! with everything inside! although i have the original one n some others i decided to get this anyway. it's damn worth it n easy to install. can't wait to play after comp is back home :)

- my SPM bahasa malaysia reference book! go on, go on, call me a nerd. don't tell me u guys haven't started reading chemistry, biology etc etc, or even doing add maths. since i have no one to teach me those confusing subjects n if i get the reference book i'll get confuse the hell outta me, so i will just have to start to work on my BM, BI, and my BC. yes, that is my "motto", thank you very much. n i also plan to b an english pro person (lol) by the end of the year. n also, i want to be the queen of the world. sheesh.

i do think something's wrong wif me:
- i have hormone issues, i think. u see, i have irregular "cycles" n tons of hair loss, n weird emotions. i m feeling emo+suicidal+depressed all jumbled up in my tiny little heart. it will kill me someday, i swear.

- i think about stuff really weirdly. seriously. lol. self-explanatory. i know how my mind works.

- i feel that my friends n i r drifting apart, although i just went for an outing wif some of them. oh wait, i do not have much friends, do i? omg, i feel miserable. i feel ugly. i feel FAT.

is it my problem that i've never been really, really, really happy for at least a long period of time in my life? or is it that i'm just unlucky, or something. or is it that i'm making a big hell of a deal everytime problem comes, but actually everyone has their own share of problems? yes, maybe i am being too paranoid?

anyway, i'd better stop blogging now. u must think i'm weird. hey, that's the point, isn't it? hmm..

my little internet mishap

2007-10-15T16:21:00.000+08:00

omggg. starbucks internet connection is like, so slow!

sipping my chocolate cream chip frappucino, eating a yummy blueberry snow donut... this is supposed to be the life, but nope, when u have a screwed internet connection at home, n constantly worry about it. even more, when u r the one at fault, when u "dor sau" (itchy hands?) go mess around with the linksys account etcetc.

especially when u don't know the username n password crap, n u simply just tembak a username n password n get to log in, screw wif the "security" options in an attempt to secure the wireless internet connection at home so that nobody besides home laptops can access to the net through my connection!!

sigh...

the worse thing is

i don't even know what the hell was going through my mind when i fooled with the stuff. sheesh.

oh wait the WORSE part is..

i got so lucky until i can tembk also the password to access the net from home, but, the connection had no connectivity. i don't even know what that means!!

so that night i came here (starbucks) for my first time surfing net here, blurness, n tried to fix my mess. but unfortunately, dunno why i suddenly couldn't log in with the username n password i tembak-ed earlier. =.=

i tried to "reset" all settings on the router, but tried to connect through both my family's laptop, can connect la (by this time i was hallelujah-ing), BUT... cannot view webpage, can't even sign in msn..

n i have to wait till school reopens to fix the net, i think :(

good news is, the comp will b fixed maybe on wednesday, so i could just use my comp. my modem isn't spoilt, anyway xD

anybody know what's wrong?? sob.

(i couldn't even post this in xanga. webpage still loading. gosh it's so slow)

[*added]

oh by the way right, i like went shopping on sat, n had the best shopping spree of my life (perhaps)!!! had like a total of 6 bags of stuff, all clothes n a new momoe sling bag. colourful! or as chern yao would say : yummy! xD

mere coincidences?

2007-10-10T15:54:00.000+08:00

went for YF on a after-PMR saturday n left my umbrella. had to go the next day to take it back, so i thought hey why not go for sunday morning worship :)

guess what happened? we used the new church! me n steph arrived late n we actually went to this room where all the noisy babies are placed with their parents. at first we thought it was weird like, hey, why is there only babies n their moms n dads in this separate additional room separated with a piece of glass from the main church place? parents were also giving us weird stares!! realized we entered through the wrong door! was embarrassing

worship was like so grand

the sermon that day was about the book of Esther.. n one part jason voon was saying there are no coinidences in life, it's all planned by God.

then i thought, hey if i didn't leave the umbrella at church i probably would b lazy to attend sunday morning worship!

after that they announced that baptism class starts on that day, at around 11.30pm. i of course was interested since the last one which i didn't join, but i didn't think anyone would join in with me, so i didn't really bother.

but everybody after that was asking each other whether they would wna go to the class, so i decided to go. i mean, my mum is gonna come after her lunch with sis who has something on later to fetch me anyway, so i thought, hey why not ?

it seemed like a pretty serious decision, going to the baptism class n deciding on getting baptized. i think it would b great for me to patch things up in my relationship with God, as i haven't done my quiet time for a really long time. and the fact that i had been complaining about my life so much (due to sooo much stress during PMR week + hair loss ) n not trusting God to know what exactly is good for me in my life, i realized God had again tried to pull me closer to Him. like jason voon said during the sermon, there is no such thing as coincidences. the umbrella i left behind, the new church n all, the start of baptism class ngam ngam on that day... too much of a coincidence?

oh and guess what. my umbrella is STILL at church. yeah. i forgot about it AGAIN on sunday. hope it'll will b still there on sat!

2007-10-05T10:33:00.000+08:00

yay pmr is officially...

HISTORY :)

2007-09-25T21:14:00.000+08:00

observation: when everybody takes study lifts, and when it's quite in class, it's not bad a place to study!

hypothesis: the more ppl take study lift, the more quiet in class, the better the studying school.

nah, kiddings. just trying to highlight the quietness in class, u noe?

information of the day (GASP!): im still slacking =.= n PMR is in less than 7 days.

2007-09-23T22:17:00.000+08:00

OH.MY.GOODNESS.

PMR is like NEXT WEEK! n i am still slacking!

someone slap me

well, good luck anyways, to me, n to all the form 3s in the country

2007-09-12T14:29:00.000+08:00

ohmygoodness PMR is coming and i only got 6As, a C, and a B in trials

wish me luck! i would probably not come online till when PMR's over... *sigh

oooh btw lens2 sorta invited me to give a testimonial.. well when it's done check it out at the website! LOL

ooh btw again, cuppacakes r so sweet n yummy :) i begged my mum to buy cuppacakes off the shelf frm the Apartment at Curve quite some time ago, and now the whole family's cuppacake-crazy! xD

its kinda expensive though...

quote of the day sounded something like this..
Rachel: hey! i might buy cuppacakes tomorrow when i go to the Curve. want me to help u buy? i can pass to u during yf!

Stephanie: omg okay! omg i'm going to camwhore with it.

Rachel: (geez, i ate the prettiest cupcake first last week. should've camwhored with it. dang. seriously!)

2007-08-30T19:22:00.000+08:00

geografi pwned rachel today x.X

2007-08-26T22:28:00.000+08:00

you know what? i don't think there's once in my life i didn't regret getting a haircut

quote chernyao: hey rachel u look like yr mum! it's not criticizing but looking like yr mum is not exactly good!

something like that, as far as i remembered

omigosh i read in shape mag (no i didnt buy it this time) that if u crash diet it'll slow down yr metabolism, which means u can get fatter when u eat! *gasp!

anyway i dont think i've been crashing dieting, so whatever

and so, i come online to try to find out more about this dieting thing.. through yahoo answers! this new IN thing is not bad! i can find all sorts of stuff here, from how to do some certain effect in adobe photoshop to the ways of preventing hair loss! cool eh?

by the ways, i still cant convince my mum to advertise on her blog for fun to check out whether she can earn some extra cash ! she has quite a lot of visitors ok.. her reason: i'm a government servant la
or something like that, lol.
it's not illegal, isn't it?

oh btw check out wake up call by maroon 5.. realli cute song xD

still miserable n feeling stupid that i spent whole week studying sej n sucking at it n signing off!

2007-08-19T16:44:00.000+08:00

-watched ratatouille! it was nice, n remy was cute! although the voice of remy sounds kinda old..

-lots of shops had stock clearance sales in 1 U... but unfortunately couldnt really find some nice tees.. bought one frm forever 21 though! but it was quite costly

-enjoyed buying accessories at diva! spent like almost 30 bucks love my white hairband! love my multicoloured bangles! buying accessories is like so hot in my life right now, too bad i have no proper place to keep them! (i think i have been watching a bit too much of Fashion Police..)

-i swear im going on a diet tomorrow onwards. until i am happy wif how i look. cuz i ate spaghetti cabonara n salad in italiannies, n also a chocolate baskin robins ice cream. n oily nasi lemak yesterday

- good hair day today n it was screwed when i saw some 1 U ppl who looked at me (maybe its common but they werent staring like, in a freaky way, u know.. like when ppl just look at u n look away, u know?).. jus a plain look, not bitchy not nothing but at the end i tied it up half, but it was curly so i tied all up =.=. i read somewhere if u keep yr hair tied up u'll have more hair loss.. so i was trying to let my hair rest or something. but i realised maybe, just maybe the untied hair look is not suitable for me.. after all racheltan can b stylish without letting her hair down to her shoulders ^^ maybe i'll shed some fat frm the face n then only see whether or not i'll look good wif the hair. lols.

tsk. gotta study now. ciao!

2007-08-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

hello people! wondering what i've been up to lately?

1. LOTS of hair loss. u can totally compare the thickness of my hair last time n now. afraid of going bald :'(

2. trying to study hard but im soooo lazy! sleeping n eating... gaining weight.. ohgod... actually dunno la whether i got gain weight but i eat a lot, because of stress. n when i eat more i'll get MORE stress. guess that's just racheltan's way of life o.O

3. still fat. not fat fat. but fat.

4. today in yf i learned abt stress! if i've tried my best, i should b happy n satisfied. but i thought of how lazy i was preparing for music exams.. i wna cry :'(

5. my plans to go dieting, exercise, study n not sleep... all screwed. i need somebody to slap me to wake me up everytime i take afternoon naps so that i wont go on sleeping for 3 hours +

6. watching ratatouille tomorrow! woots.

7. lol check out MY MUM'S BLOG

8. trial's next next week :(

see ya in a couple of weeks!