My facebook status reads..

grad pics were the last straw... I'm SO going on a diet >( and I finally can sleep on my cartilage piercing without hurting myself crazy. Loll :)

yup. diet definitely. and i'm pretty surprised my cartilage piercing took only 2 weeks to heal. you have no idea how many infection/scarring stories i've heard.


oh yeah, i spent 7 hours on facebook (taking a 1 hour nap in between!) last night, trying to upload pictures, trying to upload my video... my conclusion: facebook is a mean pmsing bitch. when i uploading pictures at 12am, i KEPT ON failing, even with the simple uploader =.= and when i uploading everything in one shot, through the advanced interface picture thing, it was done in a flash -.-

and since i've wasted my whole sunday again, imma going off to study now.
(i still cant stand grad pics spam on facebook, thanks.)

but imma leave you with this :)

High school graduation and The Act That Never Made It Through the Auditions.

High school graduations are so, ugh. well, it's just high school we're talking about here, and what's with the inconsistency? one year they have graduation, the other year they don't, now we

enough with the hate post! good thing i've chilled down after reading something that got on my nerves... so i had two options: vent my anger like i always do, or attract positive vibes!

i guess i'll go with the latter, for a change!

pictures will be up later, i will just post these videos and let them do all the talking :)
since i gotta go study and i looked so fat in pictures. (why do i even say these two things in one breath) well they're up on facebook!




THIS, my friends, is the Act That Never Made It Through the Auditions. (for malam bakat, duh. what else.)

yeah yeah it was messy, but we didn't have much time to practice okay. i'm just glad that my Viva la Vida arrangement finally gets to see the light of day. hey, i do deserve something for spending my 11 hours on it!

Credits to Gwen for making us the pretty ribbons that we didn't get to wear on stage because we were rushing :(

and dang, we seemed like we were just playing lounge music. our only audience was my awesome group of friends and my mum who sat at the front... there was only one microphone at my side, so i doubted the audiences at the back heard us anyway. at least the singers had a little more dignity.


i had my second bible knowledge exam today. all i can say is, i am so totally screwed.
why do i find that i know acts better than luke this time around? my memory is failing me.

that would explain the B3 for sejarah =.=

on a happier note, mr. alex told my mum that i got the highest number of A+s in class. but i am SO FREAKING screwed for spm, believe me.


quote keith from class today,
"the girls are the ones who will go: I'M SO SCREWEDD FOR SPM, but they also are the ones who would get 10As..."

i beg to differ ;D

cus that, is exactly what sums up the guys in my class alright.

When will blogger go mobile?

Don't let the misleading geeky title fool you to think that this post will be emo-free. No I'm not emo about the hassles of blogging via ipod touch :/


I just received my violin results.

Let's just say I'm laden with guilt now.

"I don't do well in the things I dislike, especially the things I HATE!"

I regretted saying that the moment it came out of my mouth


Only wished that it wasn't offensive.
I don't want you to think I've thoughtlessly spent your money for something I dread.
Such a love-hate relationship, but I only ever dreaded when i felt utterly hopeless at playing sweet sounding melodies.

I'd just wished I put in more effort.

I don't blame myself for dreading n slacking for sejarah
cus when something just gets on your nerves there's no possible way- it's hard.


My biggest regret is failing to translate passion into hard work.



And any dreams of joining an orchestra just fucking flew out the window.

48 more days.

well, to be exact, i only have left:
6 weeks

6 days

9 hours

43 minutes

12 seconds

(i purposely went to chernyao's blog to get this)

but yeah, no prize for guessing.


*

so my interview was o-kaay, but i'm definitely not keeping my hopes up for scholarship. first off, the interviewer (she was super friendly although a lil' stern. they say that the ladies are the tough ones) launched a non-stop attack at my weakness: co-curricular activities, or aptly put, leadership qualities.

i don't get how things work these days. since when do we depend on certs and post in clubs to prove our self-worth in extra curricular activities or to prove that we are capable of doing more than merely studying like shit?

oh where in the world do we shy and timid and unworthy people stand in this kiasu world of 5 matahari-ans... *puts on shy face.

but hey, i don't resort to joining fairly inactive clubs just to secure my "jawatan", (cus i know people usually "give face" to the form 5s for the highest posts in clubs) so it'll look good on my testimonial, above everything else. you know, just showing the world i am a freaking perfect all-rounder.

with that being said, it's hard for me to admit that i regret not being more active/popular or whatever the pre-requisites of getting teachers' trust for a post these days... if i could go back in time i

i think i'll have to buck up during college, that's for sure. i've got enough interests and things to do outside of studies that could last me a few lifetimes of college on my after-SPM list (i swear it's getting longer by the day)...

...and you know, just attempt things that will give me the fresh adrenaline rush of unfamiliarity and of new, exciting challenges before i become a nerdy hard-at-work doctor. Dr. Rachel Tan. that's so does not sound like me.


*

i've been doing some miiiicro(or even smaller, like make that nano or pico..)blogging through my facebook updates, until i realized there's only limited things you can say through facebook... and half of the time no one really bothers. let's see:

1. the most likeable facebook status update

don't tell God how big your problem is, tell your problems how big God is.

gosh, i fell in love with this quote the moment i stumbled upon it. yeah, it's not an original one from me, but i definitely feel like i could identify with it. i reckon others can too, i mean, everyone has their fair share of problems; hence, it became likeable =) i hope this inspired others as much as it inspired me.

oooh! kar mun just "liked" my status on online shopping!
(what a bimb moment! ;D)

which by the way, says,

the best part of online-shopping is returning from a long day of school and unwrapping that parcel that came with the post =)

yup, i was getting to that. this dark grey cardigan i ordered from an online boutique a week ago finally arrived today :) it's not that the shipping took long or anything... but take this from me: don't shop online during raya holidays because you're either too busy to head to the bank to place a cash deposit (into the seller's account) or they're too busy to send it to you. you see, since i probably won't get the permission from my mum to access my bank account online (and go on a massive spending spree), i have to either:

1. do a cash deposit at the machines outside the bank, or
2. head upstairs to bank the money in personally. machines only accept 100, 50 and 10 ringgit notes.

the cardigan + postage fees cost me a whopping RM50 (gladly paid by mum cus i've been spending waaay too much these holidays) and the lady who sold it to me kindly gave me a RM1 discount cus RM51 was so inconvenient to bank in at the time.

i was feeling bold these few weeks, having shopped online everyday (even during trials!) via my super-handy ipod touch. i now even have a bookmark tab in my internet browser in my ipod touch that says "shopping sites ;)".

i think this is getting out of hand lah. my habit: reach home from school, fork out itouch, switch on router, and first head to my favourite blogshop review site: Your Shopping Kaki.

oh anyways, back to the status update :) i reached home today and there it was!

a parcel :) my first online-shopping parcel!
what a moment ;)
(my first purchase was COD-cash on delivery.)

i eagerly unwrapped it like an excited child with presents below a christmas tree on a christmas morning. honestly i haven't felt that in years! well not really. christmas mornings at church are really pleasant ones :) no there is absolutely no sarcasm here.

ohmygod, my dark grey cardigan. gorgeous :) but i think i'll have to ask my grandma to resew the buttons... they looked flimsy :/

take an advice from me again: dont buy the things that you know won't fit. sure, we wouldn't know how it fits our body shapes until we've received it, but i normally steer clear of body-hugging dresses or shoes. omg yes shoes. (not that i've shopped a lot online, this is like only my second buy)

meaning, if i see a pretty figure hugging dress or those sexy oxford shoes that i really, really want, i'll still resist the urge. only buy things like jackets, vests or bags. or tops that wouldn't require a perfect fit, like babydoll tops or oversized tees :)

ANYWAYS, i'm still waiting for that oversized pencilbox i ordered from Alicewonders ten days ago. and i have yet to receive my studded vest!

okay i'll admit, the studded vest was such an impulsive buy. but retail therapy really soothes the soul...! i bought it while i was upset over my sucky chinese trials result :(


oh yeah, on a sadder note, i already got a B3 and a B4 for my trials. the irony was i was so confident that this exam would be like any other, a part of me just knew that i could again, get away with not studying (cramming late night is NOT studying, in my dictionary). God really sent me a wake up call. but hey, i wasn't really that smart after all. i STILL have to study like how people do when they want good results =.=

but i got my physics paper today :) a 92/100 on my paper 2 cheered me up like no other paper would. ohmygod i love physics. favooourrite science subject :)

...and i was so confident to secure any scholarship with my trial results. quote chern yao: "how now brown cow"?

i try to insert humour but the thing is, i'm still upset over my sejarah :(

who was i kidding? i thought i could get lucky with Sejarah as i normally do, but this time God really burst my carefree bubble.

glad that God really taught me this lesson because if it weren't for this harsh reality of a B3 for sejarah, i wouldn't be driven to study it okay. i mean, think about it, if i did get an A1 for sejarah without much studying, i would probably delude myself into thinking i can skim through SPM with the same amount of luck too. sigh.

but these few days of trials results brought out my ugly side. i remembered rudely brushing zheng hong off because the group of kiasus there wanted to know my purata.

(heck, back when i still was dumb and looked down upon in 2 daisi -until a got first in class lah- i never dreamt of actually competing with the pro-est nerdiest people in my form. see how the whole form4 and 5 transformed me into this kiasu person too??)

oh yeah, they even counted my physics marks for me before i even knew it :/ haha they are so amusing sometimes. lmao :)

on a random note, i didnt even remember doing the 'sastera' question for my BM essay. i mean, i was staring blankly at the paper for about 10 minutes, distracted by the teachers in the office as i pondered what the hell to write/or which question to choose. believe it or not, i just crapped the whole way through with all the nice ayats i memorized earlier, with all the pretty words i could muster. but alas, even if my "bahasa baik", it is still "terlalu pendek".

which reminds me, i still have 3 overdued karangans for tuition =.=

which reminds me also, i have been typing for a pretty long time, and i have to get back to my The Lost Symbol :)


and omigosh, i haven't done my chemistry tuition homework.

AND wth, i still can't decide whether to get these or not:

uber sexy slashed leggings from clothesbucket.

please do the deciding for me :/

ohmygod. i know i haven't blogged in ages but i feel that i have to say this.

i'm so freaking nervous for tomorrow!


though, i had no idea why taylor's shortlisted me for the principal's awards interview! my ECA achievements are so unimpressive compared to others. maybe it's my results, but what do i say when they ask me why i think i deserve the scholarship?

"because i work pretty damn hard"


but you know that's not the truth :) okay maybe it is, cus i do put in a lot of effort in getting myself off the couch and studying last-minute to cram everything into brain okaaay.


anyway wish me luck yeaah ;D



ps: is it weird to say that reading cheesie's blog totally inspired me to blog after my months-long hiatus. harhar.

that one night came, and gone :)

sighs. all the preparation, drama, hard work and sweat, ups and downs, misunderstandings... for that one night: Malam Bakat! :)

all i can say is, malam bakat was the experience for me. i was bombarded with all kinds of raw emotions: disappointment for my viva la vida string quartet (which arrangement took me 11 hours) not making the cut for auditions, and other misunderstandings that took us nowhere.. i was living in my own little bubble before this, where bossy me thought my ideas were perfect and the world had to revolve around me... but boy did my little bubble burst. if malam bakat taught me anything, it isn't about dancing or drums, it's about all kinds of other things, things that you normally get from experiencing life first-hand. i might seem like i'm talking about a sacred epiphany religion kinda thing, but nope. above all, i felt like the whole malam bakat experience was enlightening :)

it's really hard to put into words, but anyhoo :)

although i was emo-ing 99.9% of the time during malam bakat because my hair just refuses to look nice, or my make up just refuses to stay on my face, i can say i thoroughly enjoyed malam bakat and everything that came with it. i enjoyed how grateful i felt for being given the chance to perform for 24 Seasons drums, how accomplished i felt after our 5 minutes Toy Soldier dance even though i felt we could've done better/practiced harder, how stupid i felt for emo-ing because i'm hidden behind for the last pose for Jaiho. all the drama :X

*

i would've uploaded pictures and videos and feeling pretty nice about life, but yesterday after my little happy moment my little-happy-life-bubble burst for the freaking worst, because my STUPID KASPERSKY ANTIVIRUS PROGRAM deleted all my freaking photos. ALL. MY. PHOTOS. see?? this is what happens when you save a whole lifetime (maybe just a year or two) of photos, pictures and other sentimental stuff all in one hard disk. with no back-up. my heart skipped a beat when i realized kaspersky detected a threat in the folder and deleted it. why did i let this happen? it happened to my sister before but she was lucky to lose less than 512mb of data. me? i think i lost 10+ gb of photos. i feel like a big chunk of my LIFE just went *poof.

yesterday i was happily smiling to myself after transfering the 24 Seasons drums video and watching it in my laptop. the next minute i was devastated and praying like crazy. because all my photos went missing.

i'm the worst person for this to happen to. you know how paranoid i get even if i misplaced one single picture? now it's a whole freaking folder of memories washed down the drain :( i'm not talking about just normal photos. i'm talking about photos taken during my cherating trip. photos of the whimsical daily things i take shots of. videos of my fun times.

what if i'm old and grey/had memory loss and do not remember a single thing about my teenage/schooling years? the photos would be gone to ever make me reminisce about my youth anyway T.T

if i ever recover from this traumatic experience, i would update this post with pictures and videos. God knows why everything i try to do now has errors anyway. (like how i can't even upload facebook pictures onto blogger!?)

i am so devastated right now, i didn't even try to access my hard disk or touch the anti virus program settings because everytime i try to "restore" my files and access my files again, the antivirus just picks it up again and again and deletes it. God knows where my precious photos are now. i have not even switched off the computer since this thing happened, which was around 1am this morning. i couldn't even bring myself to wake up for church today because i didn't want to face the reality of my photos being deleted forever. i just slept and slept and slept today because i didn't want to face this :(

should i just unplug the computer and not access my hard disk forever and look at the empty white space where my "rachel's pictures and stuff!" folder was once there? should i just leave it switched on until i can get help? i think i'm having a mental, emotional break down!

Lord, please help me :(

A tribute to Michael Jackson

as you know, i rarely set aside time to blog about my personal rants (maybe all that later. as i always say) but 5 days late, this is a tribute to Michael Jackson and the brilliant music he made.



i remember smiling as i hear "thriller" being aired on Lite FM on friday nights. i remember loving his music even more on Michael Jackson week, on American idol '09.





also, hearing songs like "heal the world" and his other Jackson 5 songs over the radio on the way to church... his songs reach such a variety of audience, even when there was a michael jackson tribute at 1U's main entrance i could see different crowds, united with the same sort of grief.


sure, he was maybe more well known for his weird behaviour than his music (to me, at least. until maybe this year.), but like Pn K said today in English class, he was just trying to relive his lost childhood. why else would he built a theme park and name it Neverland?

sigh, maybe he really deserved more.


what yan yun shared today in class, something along the lines of "just take life as it is". that somehow struck a chord in me because i've been putting things off lately. simple things like arrange books on shelves, or doing my homework. why can't i just live for the moment? life is but a fleeting instance and if i don't take hold of the now, i'm afraid i would be confined to that boring routine life can turn into. like wake up, go to school, sleep, complain about work, sleep more. maybe that occasional visit to 1U (to catch transformers 2 on friday. yay) makes life all that eventful, but life can be so much more. the challenge is to carpe diem, seize the moment, not forgetting coram deo, which means in the presence of God :)


Michael Jackson, no one can ever top your music. especially today, when even the most talentless people can get all-that famous. did i mention miley cyrus sucks at acting? her father's not any better. MJ is totally the most natural performer ever. sing some sweet tunes in heaven, MJ!

RIP, Michael Jackson.